Hispanic Fanatic

First, Rob has added to the discussion under “Defining My Terms.”

Second, Keg has contributed an interesting, and rather dark, insight to my previous post (“My Master Plan Revealed”).

Third, I have to apologize for this post in advance – not because it is offensive, but because I am giving free publicity to idiocy. I had planned to ignore it, but I’m going to risk granting attention to these individuals because it illustrates an important principle.

Here’s the back story: Recently, a bar in Pittsburgh promoted its midweek special by advertising the event as “Wetback Wednesday.” When several groups and individuals pointed out the undeniable racism of the term, the bar owner insisted that it was all just a joke.

Yes, it’s quite the chiste. I’m sure we all laughed far into the night.

I look forward to Jigaboo Thursdays and Gook Sundays. And I’m sure we can get much more derogatory, all in the interest of a chuckle.

Berkeley Breathed (creator of Bloom County and other comic strips) coined the term “offensensitivity” to connate getting riled up about nothing. That’s certainly a problem in this country, and too often we see people getting incensed about harmless jokes or cutting observations.

But it’s clear that if there are ever grounds for getting somewhat peeved, it’s when a term that exists solely to denigrate a group of people is blithely and proudly displayed in public (to advertise fun and good times, no less). At the very least, it has to actually be funny and/or insightful to be defensible. And really, lazy alliteration with no context beyond “drink here” doesn’t cut it.

So let’s assume, and the proposal seems reasonable to me, that people aren’t being hypersensitive in this case when they object.

As such, there are only three possible ways an individual can explain putting up such a sign:

1. I am a racist and am being overt about it
2. I am a racist but know it is socially unacceptable, so I’ll hide behind the lamest joke of all time
3. I am not a racist and made an honest mistake while trying to be funny

I do not know what was going through the bar owner’s mind when he put the sign up. In the news story, he is identified only as Mark (I’m going to presume that his last name is not Gonzalez). But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he is number three (not a racist).

As such, here is a quick education. “Wetback” is a stunningly insulting word to Hispanics, comparable to the dreaded N-word for blacks (and I notice that this phrase does not have its own nightly drink special at the bar). The chief competition for word most likely to get you thrashed by a Latino is “spic,” which I also highly recommend that you avoid.

Using these words is not edgy or blackly comic or un-PC or a victory for the First Amendment. It’s just idiotic.

When people object to such slurs, they are not (as a mocking sign at the bar later insisted) being “easily offended.”

Rather, they are pointing out that if you’re the majority culture, you already run everything. You don’t get to tell minorities how they should refer to themselves. It’s even dicer to tell them what they should find funny. To scream that this is unfair is, well, pretty damn ironic actually. But it’s still not witty.

Early in our relationship, my last girlfriend received some advice from her mother. The cautionary statement came when my girlfriend informed her mother, a white Midwestern housewife, that I was Hispanic.

“My mom said, ‘Just remember. Those Latins love you, and then they leave you,’” my girlfriend told me.

That girlfriend is now my wife. As of last week, we have been together for 17 years. It’s clear that if I plan to love her and leave her, I must really be fucking with her head.

First off, thanks to Rafi for his insightful comment (see under “Defining My Terms“).

Second, in a comment to the Fanatic, L John asks if Southern California is going the way of Kosovo. He ponders whether Mexican-Americans and recent immigrants will demand their own country.

I’m really not qualified to analyze the situation in Kosovo, although I have at least one Serb-American friend whom I’m sure would love to post a comment (so go ahead already, dude).

But some obvious differences spring to mind:

The problem in Kosovo goes back hundreds of years and has been simmering, by some estimates, longer than North America has been on the map. Supposedly, the role of centralized religion (which we do not have in this country) plays a part. Also, about 90 percent of Kosovo is native Albanian. The odds of SoCal becoming 90 percent anything are astronomical.

Furthermore, in Kosovo, the ethnic divisions are fixed and stark. Here, in contrast, we prize assimilation. The idea is that people should adapt to American culture and then they will be regarded as rightful inhabitants. Witness that even most jingoistic Americans want people to “learn English, damn it!” But in Kosovo, no matter how long an Albanian lives among Serbs, he or she will never be regarded as Serbian (and vice versa).

Finally, the Balkans are often portrayed as a region where people look backward, which helps them preserve important cultural traditions over time. It also helps them hold grudges across generations. In America, we look forward, which is seen in our leadership in art, technology, and commerce. The drawback, of course, is that we barely know who our grandparents are. Despite the numerous flaws with our approach, it is unlikely to fuel centuries-long conflict. For all these reasons and more, SoCal will never be Kosovo.

As for the specifics of Southern California becoming a new nation, I can safely say that we will never let anyone take our movie stars and/or Disneyland.

Furthermore, the U.S. government has never given up native soil (protectorates and territories are another matter), and will not start with one of the most economically vital, densely populated areas of the country. Also, why would Mexico want a struggling nation on its borders? It has enough issues keeping its economy afloat without a fledgling land trying to find its way next door. So no organized government would stand for an independent SoCal.

By the way, I lived in Southern California for five years, and I never met anyone who wanted a separate country. I never even met anyone who thought it was a serious concept. Now, of course, maybe I just wasn’t talking to the right people. But by any standard, the people who advocate such a position are numerically and politically irrelevant. I believe the official term is “fucking nutjob.”

Regarding the flag story (see L John’s original comment under “Hello“), I know of only one incident, not the rash of events that has often been claimed. Basically, a dumb teenager staged a misguided protest (for which he was punished), which is not exactly the basis for a revolution.

In essence, most immigrants come here because they like and admire America, not because they want to form their own nation. Most first-generation Latinos, such as myself, have no desire to build a mythical Hispano empire. All this struggle over assimilation and cultural adaptation and separation is the messy byproduct of a country, rare in the world, where everybody wants to be a citizen.

In a comment to my initial post, Lori asks, “What do you make of the candidates adopting Spanish for a day as they swing through a Latino community? An attempt to be understood by everyone there, or shameless political maneuvering (or both)?” 

It’s political pandering.

According to the Pew Research Center: “Most Hispanics who are naturalized citizens (52%) speak English very well or pretty well.” Few citizens are wholly unable to communicate in English. And those are just the naturalized ones. The vast majority of native-born Hispanic citizens, like me, speak English at least as well as professional athletes (e.g., “We played good”).

So these faltering and stumbling attempts at Spanish aren’t about communicating ideas, because most people who have the right to vote can understand the English version of “I promise not to raise your taxes.” Instead, these barbarously accented speeches are a politician’s way of saying, “I am just like you, except that I’m rich and in all likelihood have no common ancestors with you beyond Australopithecus. But vote for me anyway.”

Due to numerous fiery complaints (ok, two casual criticisms), I’m going to clarify an issue with the blog. The “Comments” section is too miniscule to be accessed easily. However, I do not have a burning desire to spend hours creating row upon row of HTML, so I’m sticking with this template. Oh, those wacky Hispanics and their technological limitations.

So if you ever want to reply to one of my observations, simply scroll to the bottom of the post and click on the tiny word “Comments.” This will also allow you to see what other people have written.

Speaking of which, I thank Don for offering the first official comment and for backing up my noble intentions. Props to you, sir!

RUG had kind words for the Fanatic, which I appreciate. And she had fresh observations of her own. Most cool.

L John presented two comments, and Lori asked a direct question. So I’ll go ahead and answer those in the next post.

Right away, I’m likely to piss somebody off. This is because I’m wading into the whole “Hispanic” vs. “Latino” lexicon fistfight. You may not know this, particularly if you are of the Anglo persuasion, but there is an ongoing debate over which term accurately identifies people whose ancestors come from somewhere south of modern-day Texas. 

This area encompasses over twenty countries spread around Central America, South America, and the Caribbean. Add to this fact that many of these countries have multiple cultures with diverse customs and even different languages, and it quickly becomes clear that coming up with one word to identify all these people is like calling everything you put in your mouth “food.”

But in America, at least, we have narrowed the choices down to “Latino” or “Hispanic.” Each comes loaded with political baggage. Say “Latino” to a brown-skinned person, and you might receive a snappish “I don’t speak Latin!” in response. Refer to someone as “Hispanic” and you could hear that the word refers to Spain, the country that “raped my ancestors” or “subjugated the Aztecs” or some other historical atrocity that constitutes a fresh wound to people who have taken too many poli-sci classes.

Special note: the word “Spanish” applies only to a native of Spain or to the language. We tend to hate it when we’re called “Spanish.”

To add to the confusion, many people want their home country to be a reference point. This is particularly big with the Dominicans, the Cubans, and the Puerto Ricans. And self-described Chicanos are likely to seethe with hot-blooded rage (now there’s a stereotype!) if they are called anything other than their preferred term.

But I simply do not have the patience or computer memory to start every post with “speaking of Ecuadorians and Bolivians and Guatemalans and Quechua speakers and Garifuna immigrants…”

So I’ve decided to use the terms “Hispanic” and “Latino” to encompass the whole damn ethnic pie. And I will use the words interchangeably. I do this because I think both words are perfectly legit, and there’s no need for a lucha over them. I also do this for the sake of linguistic variety in these posts. Along those lines, I will probably also sprinkle in the terms “brown scourge,” “swarthy dudes,” “hot little tamales,” and “God’s gift to the Western hemisphere,” depending on context.

Therefore, don’t look too deeply into my word choice. The politics of this blog will be clear enough without getting into the hidden subtext of terms I picked just because I was tired and began cutting and pasting at random.

Now that we have that settled, I should mention that regardless of the word I chose, there’s likely to be some debate over what person/group/socioeconomic entity I’m referring to. After all, who constitutes a Latino is often up for grabs.  For example, a half-Anglo blogger in the Midwest (ahem) is probably not whom pollsters are referring to when they laud the monolithic “Hispanic community.”

But that’s another post.

Welcome to the Hispanic Fanatic. 

As the title of this blog implies, I am a Latino writer. Although Hispanics are the largest ethnic minority in the United States (it’s true) our online presence is so scant that it appears I am one of 14 brown people who actually own a computer. As such, I am a default expert on all things Hispanic – even though I’m part Italian and Irish, my Spanish sucks, and I live in the Anglo-dominated Midwest.

Still, it is my hope that I can offer a few insights into what it means to be a member of the dreaded Brown Invasion. I do not claim that my opinions are definitive for all Hispanics. Furthermore, I am not an expert in sociology, nor do I have the resources to dig up obscure data to boggle your mind into catatonia. These are simply my opinions, formed by personal experience and (one hopes) a modicum of rational thought.

The point of the blog is simple: I will note my thoughts on a wide range of subjects that have to do with the Hispanic experience in America. In turn, you are free to become illuminated to such an intense degree that you fairly glow, or you can post responses that detail how astonishingly ignorant my reckless insights are. I prefer the former.

The rules for the blog are lax. Vulgarity and profanity are allowed, perhaps encouraged at times and, depending on the topic, may even be required. However, personal attacks, whether upon your gracious host or your fellow guests, will not be dignified with responses and deleted as soon as possible. In essence, ranting and raving is fine, but let’s try to have a coherent point somewhere in there, people.

Because this is very much a work in progress, I’m still experimenting with content and layout. My plan is to post several times a week, so check back often. I intend to write about the big political subjects as well as offer personal observations on anything that has to do with Latino culture or societal trends. I will also present anecdotes and the occasional profile of family or friends (many of whom are actual Hispanics!). And of course, there will be linking to relevant news stories or clips. Who knows, maybe I’ll post a bad poem or two before I’m done.

In any case, I invite you to read my posts and respond with your thoughts if you like. I know I’m curious about where this is going, so let’s get started.