Hispanic Fanatic

Like a has-been rock band reduced to playing county fairs, our sad spectacle of a president is cranking out his greatest hits in a bizarre, cringy effort to please his hardcore fans. 

You want angry, all-caps tweets attacking ethnic minorities and women? You got it.

You came to hear boasting about his amazing response to a pandemic that has killed 225,000 Americans? It’s on the set list. 

You’re stomping your feet and whistling for a semi-coherent, furious lashing out at liberals and the fake-news media? Dude, we’re talking encore.

All that’s missing is a drunk guy holding up his cigarette lighter and screaming, “Free Bird!”

With less than a week remaining in his haphazard campaign of trying to convince Americans that everything is just fine, our self-pitying president is embracing the philosophies of the past. And none of those tactics is more old school than the infamous Southern Strategy, which originated in the 1960s. 

You see, the Southern Strategy represented “the GOP’s concerted effort to appeal to white voters by focusing on racial issues.” This approach “worked very well for the Republican Party” by persuading “white working-class voters that the Democratic Party didn’t care about them.”

Nixon, Reagan, and Bush Sr. all ran some variation of the Southern Strategy, and all of them won. Indeed, some experts contend that by convincing white voters that ethnic minorities are a direct threat, the GOP created “the most successful strategy in the history of modern politics.”

But today, the Republican Party is beyond being merely indifferent to ethnic minorities. It is actively hostile. The GOP’s membership, which is nearly 90 percent white, can only “envision carnage and extinction as it looks upon a rights-based, religious, racial, and ideologically diverse America.”

Even while ditching all their supposed principles and so-called conservative values, “the one thing that the party has stayed true to is its reliance on the politics of race and racism.” Indeed, Republicans have become experts at addressing their “core members’ desire to maintain a white-centric American society,” and in so doing, they have guaranteed that “white fear has become the unalloyed rallying cry of Trump’s bid for a second term.”

This approach has made the GOP a “white grievance party” that promises “to restore an idealized past in which America’s traditional aristocracy of race was unquestioned.”

Hey, you can’t blame Trump and the GOP for going with a formula that has worked for half a century. But it’s possible, just maybe, that the Southern Strategy is at last dying a slow, miserable death.

Witness the fact that “instead of ushering in a golden age of prosperity and a return to the cultural conservatism of the 1950s, Trump’s presidency has radicalized millions of white Americans who were previously inclined to dismiss systemic racism as a myth.” In other words, ranting and raving about scary dark-skinned people is actually backfiring for Trump. 

This is potentially historic, because “there has never been an anti-racist majority in American history.” However, we may be witnessing the origin of such a culture “in the racially and socioeconomically diverse coalition of voters radicalized by the abrupt transition from the hope of the Obama era to the cruelty of the Trump age.”

So why is this happening now? What has changed since 2016?

First, the country is becoming younger and more racially diverse each year. You see, there are very few 25-year-old Latinos who are eager to disenfranchise themselves and demonize their friends just so rural white people can feel better about themselves. Younger, multiethnic people are disgusted with the Republican Party, and who can blame them?

Second, the continued rampage of Covid-19 has convinced many Americans that re-electing a bragging huckster who doesn’t understand basic science may not be the best way to, you know, actually stay alive. So they’re taking a hard pass on his promises to save the suburbs from imaginary threats, when real danger is just a sneeze away.

Third, although many white Americans historically “didn’t see how racism hurt them” and were willing to look the other way if Republicans cut their taxes, that ploy doesn’t work when citizens are petrified that the country is coming apart. Lots of white people aren’t so much woke as pleading for the protests to just stop already. And if it means getting rid of a fire-bombing chief executive who makes every situation ten times worse, so be it.

Fourth, it’s become clear that for many Americans, overt racism is just too much. Yes, conservatives could deny bigotry in their party when it was coded and subtle. But “Trump is practically forcing voters to take sides on racism,” and many of them are unable to justify their unjustifiable behavior anymore.

Because of all these factors, and no doubt many more, we now we have a situation where a tired old man is bellowing about the good old days to a bunch of deluded Baby Boomers. Meanwhile, the rest of the country is thinking, “That’s so 1978.”

If the polls are correct, Americans will reject this malignant philosophy next week. And perhaps we can bury the Southern Strategy at last.

At the end, perhaps it is the “rapists” who will undo him.

That would be ironic, considering that we all remember how this little nightmare started, with Donald Trump announcing his 2016 presidential run by insisting that Mexicans — and by extension, all Latinos — were nothing more than thugs and rapists.

At the time, conservatives and media figures fell over themselves insisting that this creepy failed businessman didn’t actually mean what he so clearly said. The result of the gaslighting was that millions of Americans voted for the guy, only to find — four long, horrific years later — that he did indeed mean every word of his grotesque opinion. Their bad! It could happen to anyone, right?

Ahem. 

But here in 2020, many commentators theorize that the fabled Latino vote could be the tipping point in a potential Biden landslide. For example, if Hispanic voters turn out in force for Biden, it would give him wins in Texas, Florida, and Georgia. And that, of course, would be the end of the line, electorally speaking, for the GOP, regardless of what happens in other swing states.

However, that is a huge “if,” considering that Latinos are less likely to vote than other demographics. And keep in mind that even though Biden has overwhelming support from Latinos, a sizable minority of Hispanics still plan to vote for a xenophobe who would happily deport them if he could.

To complicate matters, remember that there are multiple subgroups within the Latino demographic, so it is impossible to say definitively who is or isn’t Hispanic, or how that lines up with polling. Indeed, some analysts boldly insist that “there is no such thing as the Latino vote.”

Whoa — now we’re getting metaphysical here.

So let’s return to the subject of Hispanics as thugs and rapists. As we all know, rather than sending us their criminals, Latin America is actually sending us their bravest, such as the 100 wildland firefighters from Mexico who are in California to assist with firefighting efforts. And don’t forget that “nearly 40 countries across five continents have received Cuban medics during the pandemic.”

Closer to home, “Latinos are on the coronavirus front lines,” working as essential workers and suffering much higher rates of infectionbecause of it. In fact, global health experts say that coronavirus is causing “the historic decimation of the Latino community, ravaging generations of loved ones in Hispanic families.”

Basically, our country is fine with Latinos risking their lives to keep the nation intact, but not so upbeat about, you know, actually accepting Hispanics as Americans with equal rights. You might find that a sickening contraction, but to Trump supporters, it’s a patriotic virtue.

The good news is that if our health care system continues to flounder, we can just go to Mexico for civilized treatment. That’s right, many Latino families who lack medical insurance and resources “are crossing the border for affordable medical visits and medicine.” More than 2 million “medical tourists” make the crossing each year, because in Mexico, “it is possible to save from 40% to 65% on a treatment compared to the United States,” and the quality of medical care is “usually first class.”

Just don’t tell Trumpists that, because they might actually start heading south for decent medical care. And we certainly don’t want to send Mexico our worst people.

PS: I rarely update my articles after I post them. I figure that once the words are out there, it is what it is (to quote a super-genius).

But I just read this info, and it directly relates to Latino voters, so I’m adding this little tidbit to the post:

“The gender gap among Latino voters — 26 percentage points — is significantly larger than it is among Black, white or Asian voters.” Apparently, for many Hispanic men “the macho allure of Mr. Trump is undeniable.” In fact, “what has alienated so many older, female and suburban voters is a key part of Mr. Trump’s appeal to these men.” 

So the point is that, once again, we should all listen to the Latinas.

In the early days of the pandemic, many conservatives insisted that Covid-19 was no big deal because the fatality rate was only about 3%. So even if every American caught the virus, the claim went, we shouldn’t get too worked up when 3% of the country dies. 

By this logic, the Civil War was a minor affair, because it killed only 2.5% of population.

In any case, all that gibberish about the coronavirus being no worse than the common cold has mysteriously disappeared within conservative circles. In fact, there is some evidence that Republicans are finally taking “the coronavirus more seriously.”

Is it the fact that America’s response to the pandemic, by any objective standard, has been abysmal? Is it because we are closing in a quarter million deaths, a ghastly number that once seemed unimaginable?

No, it’s because one old man who refused to wear a mask has now caught the virus.

Yes, in a development that is either ironic, karmic, predictable, joyous, shocking or horrifying — depending upon your viewpoint — our supposedly invincible chief executive is currently fighting off the virus that he has both cavalierly dismissed and criminally downplayed. He has checked himself out of a top-tier medical center, where he enjoyed premium healthcare for free, so that he could return to the White House and resume his busy schedule of tweeting all-caps insults and jarring non sequiturs.

So how will Trump’s infection affect the election?

Fuck if I know.

So rather than analyze the future, let’s look at how we got to this point, where members of the president’s own family believe that the guy may be cracking under the pressure.

The catalyst, as it is for so much of the conservative movement, is fear.

Yes, we all know that right-wingers portray themselves as brave warriors, unafraid of those pathetic liberal snowflakes. But if your whole worldview is that you need a dozen AR-15s and a massive wall to protect you from scary brown people — to say nothing of the panic you feel when you see a mosque or hear the words “gay marriage” — then you are not in a position to lecture anyone on the topic of fear. In fact, many studies have shown that conservatives tend to be more fearful and squeamish than progressives.

And that fear reflex has led to real-world chaos.

For example, when it comes to Covid-19, “the president’s delayed reaction to the crisis was partially due to his fears about the deep state.” In this case, the conservative fear of an imaginary enemy helped turn a bad situation into a national catastrophe. Trump’s response to coronavirus was “colored by his suspicion of and disdain for what he viewed as the ‘deep state,’ the very people in his government whose expertise and long experience might have guided him more quickly toward steps that would slow the virus, and likely save lives.”

Many Americans are dead today because the president got jittery about a nonexistent threat, while ignoring a real disaster. 

It got worse after that, as the stupidest cultural war of all time ignited over face masks. Millions of Americans, particularly men, refused to mask up because they were afraid — absolutely petrified — that total strangers might consider them wimps. The irony, of course, is that if you alter your behavior out of fear that people might think you’re weak, it means you’re a wimp who cares what people think of you. And this terror of social disapproval — which didn’t exist, by the way — helped Covid-19 spread faster, leading to even more death. Clearly, the right wing’s “narrow definition of masculinity has lethal repercussions.”

And what of those so-called looters and rioters that are burning down our cities? Well, this is yet another figment of the conservative mind. In truth, 93 percent of Black Lives Matter protests have been peaceful. And when violence has occurred, it is usually right-wing extremists who are committing it.

For example, there have been 66 incidents of vehicles driving into crowds of protesters. In a truly disturbing development, seven of those incidents involve police.

Furthermore, there have been 33 incidents where Black Lives Matter protesters were threatened with a gun, shot at, or killed. However, there have been just 12 similar incidents where counterprotesters were the target.

So the fear that BLM is coming to ransack your house is absurd, because if anything, the protesters are more likely to be the victim than the offender.

This twisted focus on fake threats, and the related dismissal of real danger, is a conservative hallmark.

You see, lovers of Fox News spend their lives trembling in terror over the progressives who are out to kill them. The idea that leftists are a bigger danger is completely backward, considering that “America’s greatest domestic terror threat stems from racially and ethnically motivated extremists, following a record high in hate-motivated attacks and the rise of neo-Nazi and white supremacist violence,” now formally recognized by the FBI as a significant threat.

Since 2018, white supremacists have conducted “more lethal attacks in the US than any other domestic extremist movement, demonstrating a longstanding intent to target racial and religious minorities, members of the LGBTQ community, politicians and those they believe promote multi-culturalism.”

Basically, that guy with a swastika tattoo is more likely to come after you than some Earth First vegan.

This fact has been true for decades now. After all, it was not Antifa or BLM that bombed Oklahoma City (i.e., Timothy McVeigh wasn’t exactly a bleeding-heart liberal).

The doublespeak of this situation is evident in the right-wing chorus of “Facts, not fear,” and in their insistence that they are the toughest hombres around for staring down Covid-19.

But of course, it’s all projection. Because there is nobody more scared right now than Donald Trump. And his fear, as well as the fear of his followers, is infecting all of us.

Yes, we’ve all been there.

At some point, we’ve all been jammed into the uncomfortable position of reconciling our sincere beliefs with unpleasant facts, with the result that we are often found wanting. 

For example, some of our greatest artists are horrible human beings. But we still buy their books and see their movies.

We preach sustainability, but when there’s no recycling bin around, we’ll throw that soda can in the garbage.

And we say we’re compassionate people who detest bigotry, but then we support white supremacy and calls for violence. 

OK, stop. 

As it turns out, maybe we haven’t all been there.

You see, we’re closing in on the election that will decide if America is going to crawl out of the intractable quicksand of oligarchy, racial warfare, and religious fanaticism, or if we’re going to happily cannonball into the abyss.

And Trump supporters have made it clear that they are having no crises of conscience, no blinding epiphanies, and no moments of hesitation. 

When our cacophonous chief executive told the Proud Boys to “stand by,” this pack of neo-Nazis responded by shouting, “Yes, sir!” And rather than glance around at the company they are keeping, and growing alarmed about it, most Republicans just shrugged and mumbled something about Hunter Biden and creeping socialism.

It is just the latest in an unending string of lemming-like behavior that, way back in 2016, might have caused us to wonder how anyone could be so delusional, hypocritical, and abhorrent, not to mention self-destructive.

But we have now come to accept that 40 percent of our fellow Americans will rationalize just about anything rather than flick on the neurons that provoke empathy, logic, or introspection.

These are people who are furious that “illegals” don’t pay taxes (even though undocumented immigrants “pay billions of dollars in federal taxes annually”). However, their fake billionaire dodges his taxes for years, and that just makes him “smart.”

One would think they might be disturbed that a privately owned U.S. immigration detention center in Georgia forcibly sterilizedimmigrant women. But then conservatives realized that we’re talking about brown-skinned women, and anyway, unauthorized hysterectomies without anesthesia are completely justifiable because Trump is simply carrying out God’s will.

And the threats that Trump will not leave office even if he loses, and that his minions are plotting to undermine democracy? Well, in a refrain that has become farcical, we hear that Trump “doesn’t really mean it.”

Clearly, the guy could mock their religion and play them for suckers, and they would be fine with it.

It must be exhausting for Trump supporters, constantly spinning their president’s deranged threats into patriotic virtues, and insisting that everyone is a malicious liar unless he works for the administration or Fox News. 

They might view their perpetual churning of reasons and motivations as charming complexity, or an example of the inherent contradictions of being human.

But the rest of see a bunch of hate-filled zealots eager to sell out their supposed principles just to say they owned the libs.

You see, being a Trump supporter “is about winning at any cost, cheating and subjugating. It’s about unraveling the culture in service of just one aim: victory over the others.”

The rest of America can do nothing except futilely hope for the president’s acolytes to snap out of it, and come to their senses. In this sense, it is we who are standing by. But our wait will be endless.

Here’s a fun fact:

“Both of the last two Republican presidents — Bush and Trump— have lost the popular vote, and yet each nominated two Supreme Court justices, who have been confirmed by the votes of senators who represent a minority of the American people.” So a fifth member of SCOTUS confirmed in this way will “create a solid majority on the court, which can then unwind the legal framework that a majority of Americans still supports.” 

Wait, did I say, “fun”?

Sorry, I meant to say, “grotesque travesty of logic and a trampling of basic civil rights.”

I get those things confused sometimes.

Yes, the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg gave it her best shot, but she couldn’t quite hold on until January, when a potential President Biden could nominate a replacement who wouldn’t, for example, possess a “deep, deep contempt for the rights of voters” or insist that “it’s time for Roe v. Wade to go.”

No, that probably would not happen.

Of course, the idea that the death of one octogenarian woman means the collapse of decades of social progress does not, in any way, indicate that America’s political system is a pathetic façade that autocrats can twist and contort at will.

Ok, maybe it does.

You see, the supposed principles of America, and our theoretically strong institutions, are not just a house of cards, but a tower of water-soaked jokers, perched upon a shit-covered dog trying to scratch itself in unpleasant places.

I think you’ll agree that this is indeed a shaky foundation.

And yet many of us have placed our faith in these systems, and in the people who were entrusted with running them. Our reward for this delusion was a parade of Republicans who did everything but slap our naïve faces for believing — even for a slice of a nanosecond — that they would refrain from indulging in a blatant, salivating power grab.

I mean, a few GOP senators offered tortured rationales for their inconsistency — something about this event being different than 2016 — but those reasons quickly devolved into a MC Escher contortion of self-serving nonsense.

However, most Republicans didn’t even bother to reconcile their torpedoing of Merrick Garland then with their embrace of rushing through a confirmation today. 

And many GOP senators flat-out reveled in their hypocrisy. They thought it was just fucking hilarious that Americans would believe they might be men of their word. Just a scream.

So what happens now, when the Republican Party has revealed — for about the 883^rd time — that they don’t really care about democracy, decency, or effective governance?

Well, there’s a lot of talk about the Democrats stacking the court, and indeed, some of them may just be pissed off enough to try it. But come on — we’re talking about the Democratic Party here. Most of their leaders think Joe Biden is too progressive, and that we all have to continue worshipping the white working class, and that making Republicans angry is so upsetting that it’s better to cower in the corner and avoid doing anything too “radical.”

So no, I highly doubt that you will see Democrats re-impeach Trump tomorrow, or ram through four liberal justices in January, or do much of anything beyond pout and ask Middle America to please love them.

But of course, even if there were some way to stop Trump’s third appointment in four years, it would be a stopgap. Because we need to go deeper.

Gentlemen’s agreements about how to run the country don’t work when one side is just fine with fascism, racism, and armed vigilantes in the streets. Lifetime appointments for justices who love theocracy is not a workable idea. Pining our hopes on a 250-year-old document that is impossible to amend is not a productive approach. And hoping that a system engineered to keep rich white men in power will somehow reform itself is not a comforting plan.

If the age of Trump has taught us anything, it is that all options have to be considered. Because the Republicans have figured this out already, and they think it’s cute if you don’t see it that way. 

Yes, it’s simply adorable.

Last week, I attempted to deal with the nonstop deluge of horrific behavior spewing out of the White House by asking, “Is there something that we progressives can do to make conservatives feel better, so that maybe they won’t, you know, destroy the country and devastate the entire planet?”

After all, we liberals are well-known for blaming ourselves for every monstrous action that right-wingers embrace. And American society is all about excusing conservative aggression and justifying GOP incompetence.

So let’s just run with it. Here are some of the ways in which liberals can make things easier for you conservatives.

First, we don’t want to hurt your feelings by pointing out that Trump is a dangerous moron whose own advisors “hesitated to give him military options, fearing the President might accidentally take the US to war.” Hey, I’m sure that statement has been true about every president.

Of course, we also know that Trump only ran for president as some kind of bizarre branding exercise, and for some unfathomable reason, you bought it. And yes, our sociopathic chief executive possesses the attention span of nine-year-old, has revitalized fascism, and is arguably the most corrupt president in history. But you won’t hear that from us.

Similarly, we will not bring up the fact that if you support Trump, you are more likely to be racist — even though study after study has shown this. No, you can go right on thinking that Black Lives Matter are a bunch of terrorists, even if the FBI has stated that “White supremacist extremists present the most lethal threat” to the country.

Oh, maybe you don’t know about that last item because “top political appointees in the Department of Homeland Security repeatedly instructed career officials to modify intelligence assessments to suit President Donald Trump’s agenda by downplaying Russia’s efforts to interfere in the US and the threat posed by White supremacists.”

Apparently, the guy flies into a rage if someone tells him a fact that he doesn’t want to hear, and in a maneuver better suited to calming a screaming toddler than advising the most powerful person in the country, his lackeys twist the truth to keep him appeased. Or, in an assessment that we swear we are not making up, “the President prefers to operate without intelligence.”

Yeah, he does that a lot.

In any case, you keep on believing that a doddering septuagenarian with a history of failure and garbled syntax knows far more than the top medical professionals in the world. While we’re at it, go on and forward that conspiratorial video from your high school acquaintance who flunked chemistry and has never left his home state, but who somehow is plugged into the inner workings of a vast cabal of mad scientists.

Above all things, we will not question American exceptionalism. We don’t want to destroy your belief that our country is vastly superior to all others, even if this “too often clashes with its culture of guns, mass incarceration, the death penalty and the war on drugs,” and has left us way behind on multiple quality-of-life measurements.

Woops, I see that I’ve upset you. I apologize, and I definitely will not mention that the border wall with Mexico will never be built. Yes, that endeavor wasted tons of taxpayer money, and did nothing more than provide a front for right-wing con men to steal your money, like you were some kind of fucking rube or something, but…

OK, now you’re crying. Let’s try to make it up to you.

Hey, would you like to vote twice? You know, because you’re so special? The president says it’s fine, so go for it.

And you know what else? We will ask newspapers to avoid endorsing candidates, because it might upset conservatives. There, there.

You know what would really cheer you up? Ending all of that diversity nonsense.

Yes, the president who is incredibly popular with neo-Nazis — a coincidence, we’re sure — “has instructed federal agencies to end racial sensitivity trainings that address topics like white privilege and critical race theory, calling them ‘divisive, anti-American propaganda.’”

And good news for you: It’s not just the feds who are canceling diversity. Companies such as Google have “significantly rolled back their diversity and inclusion initiatives in an apparent effort to avoid being perceived as anti-conservative.” 

In fact, some of these companies have “stopped saying the word diversity” altogether, because it’s so very very very controversial — well, at least to you Trump supporters. So we bend over backward to ensure that you’ll never have to hear disturbing facts about racial inequality or have your 1950s thinking challenged in any way.

You see, it’s all about being nicer to you, the hardcore Trump supporter who screams, “Fuck your feelings” and shrieks that progressives are sensitive snowflakes. And that’s when you’re not threatening us with guns, or beating us up to prove that we’re the violent ones. Or just shooting us in the street while the cops watch.

We want to make sure that you feel good about yourselves. Because that’s the most important thing in the goddamn world.

Yup.

Look, we understand that these are tough times for you unwavering Trump supporters.

You’ve discovered that you cannot yell, “Support the troops” while waving around a Trump 2020 sign. That’s because your idol made some, shall we say, unfortunate remarks concerning American’s veterans — something about “losers” and “suckers.” To be honest, the fact that the president has complete disdain for everybody except himself (and certain homicidal dictators) cannot be a shocker. Hey, it’s not like military leaders are rushing to deny the story, and even Fox News verified it. Plus, he has more or less said the same thing out loud (and you applauded).

But wait, because it gets worse. Apparently, your beloved president “admitted he knew weeks before the first confirmed US coronavirus death that the virus was dangerous, airborne, highly contagious and ‘more deadly than even your strenuous flus,’ and that he repeatedly played it down publicly.” The result of his little fib — this tiny lie — was that tens of thousands of Americans died. So clearly, your bewildered leader messed up, and your claims that he knew what he was doing are even more pathetic than we realized.

OK, so you’re having some cognitive dissonance right now.

How can you support a corrupt dolt who has complete disdain for you and everything you supposedly revere, and whose selfish grandstanding has decimated the country?

Well, fortunately for you, we progressives are here to help. Next week, I’ll list all the ways that liberals are bending over backward to help Trump supporters feel better about themselves.

Consider this an introduction to a field guide. Or a teaser. Or a way for me to admit that I cannot possibly keep up with all the crazy shit coming out of the White House nonstop.

In any case, stay tuned and see you next week.

Listen, we can discuss the Republican National Convention so far, dissecting all the blatant lies, delusional boasts, and vague threats. We can even talk about how some Latinas, unsure if they’re immigrants or not, will wail like soul-hungry demons in praise of white supremacy.

But one thing that we cannot discuss is the GOP agenda. Because there isn’t one. There is only Trump and his kids / minions. As many commenters have noted, there really is no coherent Republican Party anymore. 

Indeed, “for the first time in its 166-year history, the GOP didn’t bother to issue a new platform for its national convention.” Instead, Republicans simply reaffirmed their allegiance to their homegrown il duce, effectively saying that “the party supports whatever Donald Trump wants.”

This is problematic, in that Trump strives for nothing except improving his finances and pursuing an insatiable need for adulation.

But that doesn’t mean that Republicans exist only to please Trump… ok, that’s mostly true. However, the GOP still has goals, even if the people executing those priorities — the intellectual leaders of the Republican Party — “are the paranoids, kooks, know-nothings, and bigots who once could be heard only on late-night talk shows.”

For example, conservatives don’t like diversity, immigration, and women having control over their own bodies. All that has been true for a while.

But there are still a few holdovers from the fabled “small-government” movement, who insist that Washington is so corrupt and incompetent that the only solution is to cut services, throw money at billionaires, and hope for the best.

Of course, no White House has tried to do as little as possible as the Trump Administration. So if this limited-government approach was ever “going to usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, it should be now.”

However, I’m pretty sure these are not peaceful or prosperous times.

So how can Republicans persuade Americans that a collapsed economy, horrific pandemic, and unrest in the streets are not the fault of their guy, who has been in charge for almost four years now? 

Well, the GOP often wins “by selling a narrative in which ‘liberals’ are trying to undermine the country by stealing the tax dollars of hardworking Americans — quietly understood to be white men — and redistributing them to lazy people who want handouts, not-so-quietly understood to be people of color and feminist women.”

And that, ultimately, is the guiding light of the modern conservative movement.

You see, Trump “has stripped the veneer from familiar Republican themes concerning social order, values and economic policy.” Most of that was bullshit and just code for racism all along. But even if “they once represented principled ideological arguments, they’ve now curdled into content-free bludgeons to preserve power for the dwindling ranks of white conservatives in a rapidly diversifying America.”

Once lauded as the party of ideas, the GOP’s sole motivations now consist of pleasing Trump, amassing power for its own sake, and maintaining the privilege of white men. 

No, those are not catchy slogans that resonate with swing voters. But they are all that conservatives have left. 

Yes, we all received a small burst of optimism from seeing Michelle Obama speak. And we got a tiny jolt of hope from witnessing progressives, establishment Democrats, and even a few moderate Republicans unite in defense of sanity. And we savored an infinitesimal sliver of joy from realizing that Trump has only a 27% chance of winning the election.

Well, that was all great. But the fun times are over.

You see, the GOP will hold its convention next week, complete with smirking teens and gun-toting rich people and conspiracy cranks, all of them wildly enthusiastic about the possibilities of four more years of right-wing deviancy and madness. And this gathering of lunatics will make an impact, because the race will tighten, and we all will be tense as hell until November.

But that’s not the extent of the negative news.

Because even if Trump loses and voluntarily leaves the White House (not a given on either count), the United States is so deep into chaos, so submerged into catastrophe, that Biden will spend his entire term just trying to get us back to where we were  in 2008. On a cultural, social, economic, and political level, we are screwed for the foreseeable future.

Let’s start with our favorite virus, Covid-19, which has killed 170,000 Americans so far and continues to ravage the nation. You might be thinking everything will get back to “normal” as soon as that ruggedly handsome and /or stunningly beautiful scientist holds up a test tube and shouts, “We’ve found the vaccine!”

Well, there are just a few problems with that Hollywood ending.

First, most experts think a vaccine is unlikely to become widely available until mid-2021, at the earliest. Keep in mind that this “would be a huge scientific feat, and there are no guarantees it will work.” Developing a vaccine could, of course, take a lot longer. And rushing the process would only lead to a horrific backfire. Also, there are numerous issues with production, cost, and accessibility when it comes to distributing a vaccine. And finally, because we are Americans, there’s a good chance that anywhere from 30% to 50% of us will refuse to take it. 

So yes, we could easily be years down the road, still fighting this damn bug. That scenario would naturally prolong the economic recovery.

And speaking of the economy, the early talk of a rapid rebound now looks as accurate as those predictions that we would be ditching our cars to buy Segways. No, the economic recovery is going to be long and drawn out, wavering up and down, struggling to take off. The reasons for this include Trump’s botched response to the pandemic, the haphazard methods that the government took to fight the economic meltdown, and the complete lack of guidance on reopening schools. All of these factors have combined to dropkick us into economic calamity.

Also, please note that our last economic disaster under a Republican president (i.e. the Great Recession) was a top-down recession. That is, it hit the wealthy first, then filtered down. For this reason, it was taken more seriously, in that rich people demanded immediate action and got it. This current catastrophe is hitting the poor first and then moving up. And of course, our government doesn’t actually care until the rich donors are suffering, so it will be a while before shit gets real. In the meantime, the housing market will take a hit (sound familiar?), cities will hemorrhage residents, prices will go up, and we will still have massive unemployment and / or parents struggling to work and homeschool their kids simultaneously.

Now, don’t you feel better that the stock market is doing ok?

Meanwhile, on an international level, Trump has damaged America’s standing so badly that we may become permanent laughingstocks. Russia and China are both poised to dominate us. And no self-respecting nation is ever going to enter a treaty with us again.

Back here in America, the conservative judges that Republicans have littered throughout the federal system (including a possible rapist on the Supreme Court) will have us chained to oligarchy for decades.

And finally, please note that our most virulent racists, conspiracy nuts, and homicidal right-wingers have all been emboldened. Do you really think that if Biden wins, they are going to collectively shrug and say, “Guess we were wrong, so we will now go peacefully into the night”? More likely, “if Trump loses and QAnon evolves into a narrative about how a conspiracy of pedophiles won, then it’ll become even more violent than it already is.” And white supremacists will feel even more victimized, with many of them willing to go out in a theoretical blaze of glory.

Basically, the legacy of Trump will not just linger for years, but fester and boil and seep and decay and infect. If everything goes right, it will be years of struggle to climb out of this pit of despair, fear, ignorance, hatred, and paranoia that this man and his sociopathic supporters have flung us into. It may prove to be impossible, leading to a future America where we all wonder, without thinking about it too hard, how everything went wrong.

But on the plus side, Barack Obama gave a pretty good speech the other night.

If you are a progressive, you’ve likely had some variation of the following conversation:

“Global warming is real.”

“Oh, yeah? Then why was it so cold last Christmas?”

“Um, there’s a fundamental difference between climate and weather. Furthermore, your personal experience is—”

“Snow! There was lots of snow!”

“To hell with it. I’m just going to shoot both of us.”

Yes, all conservatives had to do to undermine the concept of global warming was to latch upon the word “warm,” and then demand that liberals explain how winter still existed. And in politics — as in business, love, and comedy — if you’re explaining, you’re losing.

We see this in other progressive concepts. We say, “white privilege,” and an irate white man launches into a diatribe about how he grew up poor and he never got a handout and who are you calling privileged anyway So then the liberal stumbles around trying to explain what “privilege” means and how it exists even if you don’t see it and so on and so on until the angry white man stomps off, more pissed off than ever that some tree-hugger implied that he had it easy.

And of course, even mentioning Black Lives Matter unleashes a furious retort of “all lives matter!” Once again liberals respond by employing metaphors and memes to explain what should be a pretty basic fucking idea (i.e., it’s not good for a society to murder black people at will).

It’s in this spirit of pointing out the poor marketing decisions of the left that I bring up the latest disastrous political catchphrase:

Defund the police.

This is quite possible the worst slogan for a good idea ever.

You see, when presenting proposals on how to reform law enforcement in this country, and end the militarization of our police departments, all while preserving the safety of our nation’s residents, it is not helpful to spend all our time saying, “No, don’t worry, someone will still respond if a man with a gun is breaking into your house.”

But that’s exactly what we are doing.

This should be a time for discussing new techniques, like that Scottish de-escalation method that’s catching on. Or we should be talking about the fundamental role of cops in America. Or we should be debating what public safety actually looks like. All of these ideas have public support.

Instead, right-wingers are sending out tweets and status updates that more or less consist of “Liberals want to allow criminals to run rampant over you.”

And then progressives get all defensive, like we always do, and explain that the phrase we’ve chosen does not actually mean what it appears to mean, like we always do.

And if you’re explaining, you’re losing.

Hey, I recently received an angry email from a reader who shrieked how terrifying it is that Minneapolis wants to abolish its police department. And indeed, it sounds scary — like our cities are going to descend into The Purge. 

Or maybe it will be like that scene in RoboCop where the police abandon the city, and the bad guys start setting off rocket launchers (bonus points if you read that sentence and shouted, “I like it!” and made an explosion sound).

In any case, this guy did not want to even hear about defunding the police, let alone abolishing them. Much of this, of course, can be chalked up to willful ignorance or woeful stupidity. But there are many jittery moderates who can be persuaded by simplistic answers to complex issues. And there are determined reactionaries who know they can suck all the oxygen out of the room by forcing progressives to defend “crazy” ideas and explain nuances and tiptoe around details.

Speaking of conservatives, give them credit where it is due. This is a crowd that knows how to sell shit. For example, they convinced Americans that they wanted a war in Iraq but that they didn’t want health care. They persuade poor Americans, year after year, that objecting to wealth inequality is “class warfare.” And they have weaponized the most inoffensive, effective way to combat coronavirus — wearing a damn mask — and turned it into a battle for “freedom.”

Conservatives know the power of symbolism and straightforward mottos. For example, they have claimed both the American flag and the Christian cross, and all the powerful emotions that they invoke, while liberals have basically said, “Sure, go ahead and take them,” thereby guaranteeing that both “faith” and “patriotism” get turned into clear, concise virtues that only Republicans could possibly ever have.

Meanwhile, progressives are the “mob” and “snowflakes” and Antifa fanatics.

Those labels don’t track well, as the marketing experts would say.

What’s the solution? Well, if I knew anything about branding, I would have sold nine million books by now and be riding out this pandemic in my New Zealand compound. So I don’t know the answer. I do know, however, that progressives have a problem. And feeling proud of ourselves for shouting, “Defund the police” is not a smooth path forward.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go explain to some conservatives that taking a knee during the National Anthem is not insulting the flag per se, but an indictment of a racist system that… never mind, I’ve already lost them.