There will be no apology, nor will you hear even the hint of a regret.
And if you want vindication, you will have to wait until history renders its judgement. Of course, history takes its damn time, and you will likely be waiting for decades or even centuries to hear, “Yes, you were right.”
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As we all know, hot-tempered lovers of authoritarianism recently held a rally that was supposed to attract thousands of like-minded neo-fascists. But the rally brought in just a handful of sad racists who looked pathetic standing around, preaching right-wing gospel and reminiscing about their glory days, when they could drive over protesters and march around with torches and smash heads open whenever they damn well felt like it.
However, this fizzled assembly should not convince us that Trumpism is dead.
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Conservatives don’t like carrots. And it’s not just because they hate vegans, or that metaphorically, they like being thrown red meat.
No, it’s because when deciding between the carrot or the stick, conservatives will choose the stick every time. And not just for themselves, but for you and me as well. It’s stick stick stick nonstop.
For example, progressives have begged conservatives for months now to get the vaccine, appealing to their sense of reason, patriotism, and compassion for others. We have offered them money, nodded respectfully when they spewed conspiratorial nonsense, and presented heart-wrenching stories of right-wingers on their death beds who regretted their anti-vaxx stance (and there have been a lot of those guys).
Their response has been to scream in our faces, move the goal posts yet again, and chug horse medicine.
The message is clear: Being nice to conservatives doesn’t work.
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Yup, Uncle Joe definitely fucked this one up.
As we all know, President Biden pulled us out of Afghanistan with the assurance that everything would be, like, totally cool once we left, and the Taliban would not take over the country and oppress the hell out of women and terrorize the populace and provide a base for religious fanatics who dream of killing nonbelievers in massive numbers.
That just would not happen.
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There’s an iron law in politics: Regardless of the actual reason for a crisis, Republicans will always blame immigrants.
Yes, as we all know, the GOP leaders of Florida could not unleash more death upon their state if they hired snipers to shoot at random cars on the freeway. But they deny that their disdain for vaccines and refusal to mask up has, in any way, led to the completely predictable and totally preventable surge of the delta variant that is consuming their residents.
No, according to the GOP, it is once again all those filthy Hispanics swarming across the border (and then presumably swimming across the Gulf of Mexico) that are infesting the brave patriots of Florida.
This pathetic deflection is typical of a political party that has to come up with increasingly ludicrous excuses for being so obviously, painfully, and catastrophically wrong about the coronavirus. They are furiously scrambling to come up with yet more convoluted explanations of how two plus two equals nine. We can practically hear the self-doubt and see the flop sweat.
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Decades ago, you might have heard Republicans say, “Vote for us because we will improve your lives.” They never delivered — unless you were already rich, of course. Otherwise, they didn’t even try to make life better for the middle or working class.
So the GOP eventually changed its appeal to the watered-down “Vote for us because we will get rid of all the stuff you hate.” This time, they really did try to fulfill their promises. But on just about every conservative issue — abortion, gay marriage, Obamacare — the Republican Party failed, mostly because the GOP’s ideas are idiotic, reckless, and unpopular. Conservatives couldn’t get rid of food stamps, establish English as our official language, prohibit “anchor babies,” or really achieve any of their main goals — except tax cuts for the rich. They are extraordinarily good at accomplishing that.
So Republicans have been reduced to their latest sales pitch, which is, “Vote for us because we hate the same stuff you hate.”
That’s basically it.
There is no grand plan or ambitious goal, unless delusional idolization of the 1950s somehow counts as a vision for the future.
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Consider the gypsy moth.
This humble creature flits about, doing moth things, living its moth life, and dreaming its moth dreams.
And even though it never wanted to be another flash point in this nation’s endless culture wars, the gypsy moth is now a catalyst for political arguments, proving that there is nothing — and I mean nothing— that Americans will not fight about.
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OK, imagine you’re a Democratic legislator, and you’re rushing to the chamber to cast your vote on a crucial bill. An old lady collapses in front of you, clutching her heart. If you stop to help her, you will likely cost your party a vote and send the bill to defeat. Do you stop?
Now imagine that you are a Republican legislator in the exact same situation. Do you stop?
This scenario comes courtesy of Rick Perlstein, a historian who theorizes that most Democrats would help the old lady, while most Republicans would step over her writhing body.
Perlstein argues that this is not because Republicans are indifferent to human suffering. It is because they are focused on winning and advancing their agenda at all costs. Democrats, in contrast, are focused on fairness and bleeding-heart concepts such as, for example, helping out old women who have heart attacks.
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If I ran straight at you, screaming insults and talking gibberish, would you turn and hurry away? Or would you stop, nod, and say, “You’ve got my vote”?
Well, for members of the Republican Party, the answer would be the latter, followed by an earnest plea to please yell louder.
You see, there is no debating that the GOP has been “baptized in crazy,” and that “from QAnon lunatics to fanatical evangelicals, the Grand Old Party is out of its mind.”
We’re talking about people who sincerely believe that Trump is the “true president,” that the economy is collapsing (it’s not), and that “the traditional American way of life is disappearing so fast” that conservatives may have to “use force to save it.”
Yeah, that’s all pretty nuts. But the only thing worse than a crazy man is an angry crazy man. And that combo of madness and rage is what makes the conservative movement so dangerous.
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You know those horror movies where gypsy crones cast unspeakable curses upon innocent white people? Yeah, they’re pretty cool.
But it’s never explained why these powerful sorcerers are inevitably portrayed as enfeebled, misshapen paupers. I mean, if you could conjure dark forces and unstoppable demons to perform your bidding, wouldn’t you devote a little time to, say, whipping up a batch of proper dental care? At the very least, why are you living in a ramshackle hut, when you could demand a palace?
Well, a similar cognitive dissonance occurs in the world of politics.
A large percentage of right-wingers truly believe that a nefarious cadre of liberals are working with the deep state to thwart conservatives (i.e., the real Americans).
However, it’s never explained why, if liberals are so powerful, they can’t pass basic gun control or universal health care, like every other industrialized nation. And why is Biden’s agenda in jeopardy, despite the fact that most of his policies are popular and Democrats control Congress?
And why is a moron who lost an election months ago, and has brought his party nothing but ruination, still in a position of absolute power within the conservative realm?
Hey, maybe he’s the crone.
Did you ever think about that?
