Hispanic Fanatic

The natural question that arises is, “What did you get for Christmas?” Well, my favorite gift of this past holiday season was the razor-sharp Chinese ornamental dagger that I received. Nothing says Christmas like a dragon-decorated metal blade that can slice off fingers with one swipe. It’s just that cool.

In any case, I’m back from vacation, and I will try to squeeze in one more update before 2008 dies its inglorious death. Otherwise, I will have fresh posts as soon as 2009 arrives.

Meanwhile, and continuing my tradition of posting non-sequitur videos whenever I take extended breaks from the blog, here is a clip of a musical prodigy named Sara. She’s a pre-adolescent girl who likes to jam to “YYZ” by Rush. Check it out, and see you soon.

Like much of America, I’m taking the next week off, so there will be a temporary hold on new posts. As implied in my previous two posts, I’ll be drinking with old friends before Christmas, drinking with the cousins on Christmas Eve, and probably drinking something with someone on Christmas Day. When I am through with all my holiday cheer, I shall post more shenanigans. Until then, have a Merry Christmas.

Oh, I almost forgot: Peace on Earth, goodwill toward everyone, and harmony among all the races and nations of the world. Yes, feel free to indulge in some of that until I get back.

The Fanatic doesn’t celebrate many milestones. Perhaps it’s because of a sullen cynicism bred into the very core of my Gen X being. Or maybe it’s centuries of Latino paranoia that makes me think, “Somebody in a position of power is going to steal this moment from me.” Or perhaps it’s my strong sense of humility and modesty that prevents me from boasting… actually, who are we kidding? It can’t possibly be that last one.

In any case, I’m going to take a moment to acknowledge the significance of this post. It the one hundredth piece to be published on The Hispanic Fanatic.

Yes, I know. Pop the champagne (or perhaps more appropriately, pour that tequila). It’s been fun, and even enlightening, for me to post all these observations, anecdotes, opinions, profiles, and rants that would otherwise just rattle around in my obsessive-compulsive mind.

Because of these one hundred pieces, I have received dozens of insightful comments, had my worldview challenged, provoked the occasional reader, gotten into a flame war with an angry Chicano, snagged a gig at the Huffington Post, and pissed off at least one member of my family.

So I’ve enjoyed it, and I plan to go on as long as I have something to say. It could be a month or a decade. I guess we’ll see. In the meantime, I thank you for reading.

I’m back from NYC, where I had my usual great time hanging out with the freaks, weirdoes, and social deviants who make up that fine city. I hung out with some old friends, went to my greatest-hits bars and restaurants, caught a bad cold from one of the aforementioned freaks or weirdoes, soaked up the high energy of the city, and got groped on the subway (a first for me). By the way, the groper was some drunk girl who was trying to piss off her boyfriend, and the groping missed my key components, so to speak, which means that it could have turned out a lot worse for me – or better for me, depending on one’s desire to be groped.

It’s always a little weird returning to my home in the Midwest, however, because of the realization that I see more Hispanics walking down a given Manhattan block or in one subway car than I do in a month here.

It’s also an intense time because my wife and I got back just in time to vote. We endured a two-hour wait in line to cast our ballots for that one guy… you know, the president-elect.

In any case, I will have fresh posts soon, some of which will no doubt address the ramifications of the forthcoming Obama administration, especially in regards to the Latino population. Until then, I will try to recover from my cold and wonder what to do with all the time I had been spent obsessing about this election. I’m sure I’ll come up with something.

It may defy belief, but I’m going to have to take another short hiatus from the blog. The reason is that I will be in New York City for the next week, so posts are going to have to wait until I get back.

As a placeholder until then, I will regale you with the following anecdote. I don’t have any witnesses for this one, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Not long ago, I was walking down the street when I felt a sudden and unpleasant discombobulation. That’s right: I was falling. Through some miracle of arm waving, inner-ear gyroscopic adjustments, and pure luck, I kept from wiping out on the concrete.

Once I stuttered to a halt, I looked behind me to see what had caused me to slip. I saw the offender at once. I had stepped on – no kidding – a fucking banana peel.

Now all I need is for an anvil to fall on my head.

I am back from my vacation to my home state.

While there, I had a great visit with my mom, who is always the perfect host.

In addition, Aunt #1 let me know that I got a few facts wrong in my post about Uncle #1, and I learned that Cousin #1 is planning a big move (more on this later). Late in the trip, I went drinking with Cousin #6, during which one of us said something so funny that alcohol was spit out. I will not identify the guilty party.

Also, my abuela made pupusas for my wife and me, which we transported across state lines as quickly as we could before they thawed out. Their loss would have been at least a tragedy and, quite possibly, an actual crime.

I also hung out on my former roommate’s 100-acre farm (Latinos seldom get this rural, unless they’re picking lettuce), and I caught a baseball game with some old friends. And yes, our team clinched a postseason spot – most cool!

Finally, I accompanied my wife to her high school reunion, where it was verified by several of her classmates that she has aged extremely well and is – to quote one inebriated guy – “even hotter now than when she was a teenager” (let it be noted that I did not punch him).

The closest I came to updating the blog was when I checked to see how my last piece for the Huffington Post had done. I was pleased to discover that it had received seven or eight insightful comments, which I thought was pretty good until I noticed that Jaime Lee Curtis had written something in the same section that got 412 comments… come on! The woman from “Christmas with the Cranks” is pummeling me.

So it’s clear that I have to get back to work. Fresh posts are coming. Stay tuned.

First, let me thank Stephanie for her comments on my post “Omnipotent” and for supplying a great resource on Archbishop Oscar Romero.

Second, thanks to Jeanne for her kind words (and enthusiastic encouragement) on my post “A Sort of Hajj.”

Third, I have to announce another brief hiatus.

I am taking a brief vacation this week. I will be going back to my home state to see friends and family (including the Cousins). As I mentioned in a previous post, the one thing I will positively not be doing in my home town is attending my high school reunion, but as we said back in the 1980s, “Whatever…”

The bottom line is that I won’t be updating this blog for the next week or so. I hope to publish new posts as soon as possible.

To keep you entertained in the interim, here is the creepiest story with a Latino angle that I could find:

An engineer has reconstructed the infamous Aztec whistles of death. You can see what they looked like and even hear the spine-tingling tones they emanated. As the story states, “If death had a sound, this was it.”

I mean, how cool is that?

See you all soon.

First off, let me thank Latino Evolution for the comment on my post “I Should Have Went Samurai…”

Second, as I may have mentioned – here on this blog, all over cyberspace, and in the street to passing strangers – the Fanatic is now on the Huffington Post.

Because I want to get my writing in order (ie, what ran on the site, what ran on Huffington, what can run on both of them, etc), I will be cutting back, very slightly, on new posts while I try to get everything in sync. This means that I’ll probably update this site twice a week instead of the three-plus posts I have been sending out. Otherwise, there are no major upheavals on the horizon.

I know this will provoke crying, wailing, and a great gnashing of teeth with those who demand thrice weekly posts. But despite your anguished pleas and vows that you can’t go on, I have hope that you will persevere.

Thanks again for all your support.

The rumors are true. I can now be found at the Huffington Post.

I’m very pleased with this development, even though it has meant the revelation of my true identity, which until now has been shrouded in myth and legend. It turns out, however, that you can discover my real name and even see what I look like by clicking here to read my initial post for Huffington. And so one more secret internet alias is rendered obsolete – alas.

The first post for Huffington is a reprint of my original post for this blog, but it’s just as relevant as it was all those many eons past (ok, three months ago) that I wrote it.

Check it out and give me a Buzz Up vote (which increases the likelihood that the editors will continue to ask me to contribute) and sign up to get email alerts or become a fan… it’s a very odd thing, I just realized, to ask people to become your fan, but that’s what blogging has reduced me to.

Also, as much as I appreciate your comments on this site, I would appreciate it even more if you respond to the Huffington pieces. My hope is that you’ll overwhelm the site with so much praise that the Huffington servers crash, and the editors shake their fists in rage while screaming, “Damn you, Hispanic Fanatic!”

I think we can all agree that this would be a pretty cool scenario.

Short of that, just check out the Huffington Post. I’ll still maintain this site, but I’ll give the editors first crack at new stuff.

By the way, I can also be found at TC Daily. So there’s lots of ways to find out who’ve I’ve pissed off recently.

Thanks in advance for your support.

First, let me give belated thanks to Melissa for commenting on my post “It’s Much Prettier in Spanish.” She displays sound logic when it comes to learning a foreign language. Also, thanks to Angelina (!) for posting a reply to “Becoming a Trendsetter,” although the Fanatic ever so mildly suspects that she allowed sarcasm to infiltrate her comment.

Second, let me apologize. Because of my travel schedule and various personal commitments (always a cryptic term), I will be unable to post new entries for about a week. It will hopefully be sooner than that, but I want to guess on the long side so people don’t say, “Look how many days have passed without an update; I knew he’d burn out on this blog thing quickly.” We can’t have that, so save your hate emails and angry comments, because I’ll have something fresh by this time next week.

In the meantime, here is a completely unrelated video of a dog licking peanut butter to keep you entertained until I get back.