Let’s be honest. You have always wanted to see a ninja fight a dragon. Well, you’re in luck:
I created this image, which would surprise anyone who knows my level of artistic talent (i.e., circles and the occasional stick figure).
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The words “political divide” have become part of our national lexicon. Until a few years ago, you didn’t hear the phrase too often, but now it joins other ubiquitous expressions that we never wanted to know—like “cryptocurrency fraud” or “celebrity YouTuber.”
In any case, our political divide has never been wider.
And I’m not just talking about philosophies.
Yes, one side wants to make it easier for people to get health care and attend college. The other side wants to destroy democracy and create a Christian nationalist dystopia.
So you see the subtle differences.
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It is human nature to seek out people who share our interests.
In the quest for connection, we may join a book club. Or perhaps we sign up for a volleyball team.
Or maybe we enlist in a hellish army of tyrannical thugs who seek to overthrow governments, subjugate minorities, and stomp on the skulls of their enemies.
Hey, whatever works for you.
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All of us know the sting of failure.
Maybe we came up short in the big game, or got passed over for that promotion, or just sucked at trivia night after too many drinks.
But consider the tenacity of Cha Sa-soon, an elderly woman who failed the South Korean drivers’ test 960 times. She spent over $10,000 taking and retaking the test until she finally passed. The woman now holds the world’s record for most failed attempts.
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It’s enough to make you feel bad for William Jennings Bryan.
Of course, you may fuzzily recall this guy’s name from your high school history class. Today, Bryan is remembered for three things:
Giving the Cross of Gold speech, whatever that was.
Looking like a buffoon during the Scopes Monkey Trail.
Becoming the only nominee of a major political party to lose the popular vote three times.
But that last shred of infamy is in serious jeopardy, because the homunculus of racism—Donald Trump—recently announced that he is back, baby, and running for president once more.
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The most disturbing statistic I have seen recently is the following: Trump voters are 50% more likely than Biden voters to be sperm donors.
This creeps me out on a political, cultural, and even biological level.
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Every American under the age of 30 has conscious memory of just two Republican presidents.
One was a blithering idiot who led the nation into disaster.
The other was a sociopathic lunatic who led the nation into disaster.
Note to Republicans: When the best of your best are stupid and/or crazy, maybe the problem is you.
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This year’s World Series did not feature my hometown Milwaukee Brewers, who failed to reach the Fall Classic for the 40th consecutive season. Just thought I would point that out.
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Well, it’s all over.
OK, I was referring to the midterm elections, but depending on the final results, that sentence could apply to democracy, the American experiment, or hope for the future.
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This week, millions of Americans will vote for authoritarianism, the subjugation of women and ethnic minorities, climate disaster, and possible open warfare because in their mind, doing this will magically lower gas prices by 50 cents.
But if Republicans do take control of Congress, you shouldn’t worry that they will slash Social Security. How do I know this? Well, I heard it from the same people who said the Supreme Court wouldn’t overturn Roe vs. Wade. And that turned out fine, right?
Ahem.
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