Hispanic Fanatic

Yes, we could have done this months ago. And yes, Trump can still win.

But for the first time in this election cycle, Democrats are feeling a little jaunty, a little hopeful, and slightly less terrified.

We have no idea if Kamala Harris will defeat the third incarnation of Trumpian fury. However, it was clear that Biden wasn’t going to win. His supporters could never explain how a guy who had been trailing in the polls for months, coming off the worst debate performance in history, and getting older by the second, was going to suddenly surge to victory. Who the hell was he going to persuade at this point?

By stepping aside, however, Biden has become a revered figure, the courageous leader, even “the Democratic party’s Yoda, and no one ever complained about Yoda’s wrinkles, age, ponderous pauses, or bizarre speech patterns.”

The GOP knows this. Witness their idiotic threats to somehow force Biden to stay on the ballot. They are shitting themselves in fear because suddenly they are the ones saddled with an ancient, rambling, incoherent candidate who “looks older and more deranged” than any presidential nominee in history.

Biden “understood his limitations and, in an act of patriotism, selflessness, and party unity, decided to step away from power,” while Trump is a doddering lunatic “clinging to power, holding on desperately to the myth of a lost election, evoking the same predictable descriptions of carnage and disaster he served up eight years ago.”

Trump will no doubt rant about Harris and make up whacked-out lies about her. He will throw racist and misogynistic insults her way while his handlers insist for the 10,839^th time that he didn’t mean what he clearly said. He will threaten and prophesize and whine. He will babble nonstop in a jumbled cacophony of illogic and garbled syntax. 

And the rest of us will witness this sad display, and with hope, we will give it the only response that it warrants:

Just shut up already, old man.

It’s a very special Independence Day this year, because it will be our last.

You see, the Supreme Court has ruled that the president is a king, and can pretty much do whatever he wants (even assassinate his political rivals, theoretically) without fear of being stopped or punished.

Also, the Supreme Court has ruled that bribery is legal, federal agencies have no actual authority, and homeless people can be thrown in prison if they are inconvenient. So the justices had a busy week of right-winging it.

The counter to this unprecedented push into authoritarianism is a disorganized, freaked-out Democratic Party that even under the best of circumstances has proven itself unable to fight back against fire-breathing Republicans. It doesn’t help that the Democratic flagbearer has trouble staying awake past 4:00 pm.

Meanwhile, American voters are more predisposed than ever to choose an aspiring dictator for their leader because the other guy stutters. 

So yes, this might be it for American democracy. I plan to relax, barbeque in the backyard, and have a few beers this weekend. After all, by next July, I might be running for my life from jackbooted thugs who are rounding up dark-skinned people who are insufficiently Christian.

Happy Independence Day everybody!

As we all know, no institution is more radically progressive, left-wing, and woke than Moody’s Analytics. Sure, they conduct objective analyses and offer insights to businesses about financial risks, but the facts have a well-known liberal agenda, and helping major corporations navigate issues is just the kind of thing that a lefty would do.

Yes, I’m spewing nonsense, but I’m trying to help our Republican friends figure out how to denigrate and dismiss the latest report from a respected, conservative institution that their presidential nominee’s economic policies are idiotic beyond restoration.

You see, Moody’s Analytics recently compared the economic promises of Joe Biden and Donald Trump. The study concluded that “a second Biden presidency would see cooling inflation and continued economic growth [while] a Trump presidency would be an economic disaster.”

How can this be? Polls show that more Americans trust Trump on economic policy, and a majority view the Trump years as successful. Well, on the first point, Republicans have never (as in never never never) been better at handling the economy than Democrats. And on the second point, Trump left office with the economy in a crater and fewer jobs than he started with. So maybe Americans don’t know what they’re talking about on this topic.

According to Moody’s Analytics, the convicted felon who fronts the GOP has promised to slash taxes on the wealthy, increase tariffs across the board, and deport 11 million immigrant workers. These policies would trigger a recession by mid-2025, increase the costs of consumer goods, boost inflation, eliminate over 3 million jobs, increase the unemployment rate, and add trillions to the national debt.

What’s not to love about that?

The chief economist of Moody’s Analytics said, rather plainly, that “Biden’s policies are better for the economy.”  

I told you they were left wing.

But if you still want to dismiss this report as liberal fear-mongering, consider that studies show that Trump “continues to suffer from the lowest level of corporate support in the history of the Republican Party,” despite the fact that an estimated 60 to 70 percent of chief executives are registered Republicans. It’s almost like these guys, who live for tax cuts and prize the bottom line over everything, are recognizing that enacting the half-baked notions of an addled criminal with multiple bankruptcies is a little disconcerting for business.

According to the historian Heather Richardson, the GOP is made up of “MAGA extremists and junior varsity opportunists” who are waving “red flags to business leaders.”

To be clear, these fat-cat execs don’t give a damn about wealth inequality, the rights of ethnic minorities, or democracy. But they do care about money. And if even these guys are shouting, “Don’t vote for this lunatic or the economy will collapse,” maybe we should pay attention.

Oh, and sixteen Nobel Prize-winning economists have signed a joint letter stating that “Joe Biden’s economic agenda is vastly superior to Donald Trump’s” and that GOP proposals are “fiscally irresponsible.”

 But none of those guys are stable geniuses, are they?

I spent much of the last month analyzing, criticizing, and ruminating on my generation (Gen X). I came to a rather depressing conclusion, which is that too many of us — especially the white guys — are turning into baby boomers. And let’s just say that I don’t have the highest opinion of that particular demographic.

But I’m down with the younger generations. Many studies have concluded that when it comes to politics, Millennials and Gen Z are “tilting left and staying there.”

The kids give me hope for the future.

Well, they did until recently.

You see, many young voters are threatening to boycott the presidential election.

“The collective vibe is hopelessness,” says one Gen Z voter, and while I empathize with her emotional state, her solution is absurd. Refusing to vote in November is like starving to death because you can’t get your favorite toppings on a pizza.

Another young voter says, “I don’t think the presidency has too much of an effect on what happens in my day-to-day life.” That mindset is so wrong, so impossibly naïve (yeah, I used that word) that it boggles the mind.

And yet another young voter says his decision not to vote will “send a message to the Democrats,” and force “them to listen to us.”

Yes, the Democrats will certainly notice that you didn’t vote for them. Of course, they will note this from the gulag that Republicans have thrown them into, and it won’t matter anyway considering that young people will not be allowed to voteagain ever, but Democrats will definitely pay attention to your hissy fit, young man.

Listen, middle-aged Republicans are willing to vote for a lunatic they freely admit is an embarrassment, a disaster, and a direct threat to democracy. They are relentless in their pursuit of victory.

But young progressives mutter, “I’m just not in love with Biden,” and skip voting.

This is how you lose a nation. 

Taking a principled stance that will, in the long run, destroy all your principles is insanity.

At the risk of getting all “back in my day,” let me tell you how dispiriting it was to be progressive when I came of age. We voted even as we were reduced to casting a ballot for Michael Dukakis, for fuck sake. 

But let’s skip the travails of Gen X. Consider that back in the 1960s, the Freedom Riders journeyed into the Deep South during the height of segregation. They faced the billy clubs and firehoses of white supremacists. The vast majority of the Freedom Riders were in their twenties.

Let’s go even farther back. When America actually hated Nazis, we sent US soldiers to storm the beach at Normandy. The average age of those soldiers was 26.

So to all the young people who claim they are too fatigued to show up in November, keep in mind that in previous generations, people your age literally fought fascists to the death.

Yeah, the least you can do is fucking vote.

Apparently, a huge percentage of the country is nostalgic for pandemics, riots, and economic collapse. 

The GOP — long a bastion of gaslighting and swift-boating — has reached a new pinnacle of triple reverse psychology by proclaiming, with straight faces all around, that Americans were better off four years ago than they are now.

That would be 2020, widely regarded as the most hellish year in modern American history.

However, Republican zealots are not alone in their assessment of the recent past. Lots of Americans misremember that horrific time as the good old days, mystifying the rest of us who wonder how any sane adult who lived through the Trump administration can say, “Let’s do all that again!”

Make no mistake — if that black-hearted neo-fascist wins the election, we can expect more than just a rerun of bigotry, fraud, incompetence, and rage. No, it will be a lot worse.

You see, the first time around, Trump “accomplished close to nothing because the people around him were either too inept to put his vision into practice or too skillful at blocking him to allow him to put his vision into practice.”

But if this jabbering sociopath gets another shot at the Oval Office, the “available supply of serious, qualified people willing to serve … has dwindled.” He will appoint lapdogs, cronies, lunatics, and losers whose only qualifications will be how much they hero-worship the orange messiah.

As such, we will get immigrant roundups, a national abortion ban, accelerated climate destruction, massive corruption, more right-wing judicial activism, the increased denigration of science, and economic calamity. And that is just on the domestic front. We’re not even getting into the Russia-Ukraine war, the Gaza war, North Korean belligerence, and China’s dominance. All that will get worse as well.

Consider that a second Trump term would mean the possible death of American democracy itself. The man is quite open about his desire to become president for life. It is not hyperbole to state that “there is a clear path to dictatorship in the United States, and it is getting shorter every day.” The presumed Republican nominee’s “threat to democratic institutions and the rule of law is not a matter of conjecture.”

His second-term policies would be based solely on revenge, cruelty, and self-aggrandizement. 

But hey, maybe eggs will cost a little less. So it will totally be worth it, right?

As I may have mentioned, this is an election year.

I also may have said something about how millions of Americans will vote this November for an aspiring despot who wants to crush dissent, abolish democracy, and catapult the nation into a hellhole of authoritarian chaos. But I mumble sometimes, so maybe you didn’t catch it.

In any case, people are taking the inevitable Biden-Trump rematch seriously. Researchers have found that “an overwhelming majority of Americans believe democracy is ‘at risk’ in the upcoming presidential election.” They are correct, of course, because if Republicans regain power, they will burn the country down rather than give it up again.

So it’s a good thing that experienced officials are running our electoral system and focused on making sure the election is fair, accurate, and efficient. Well, at the least the election officials who aren’t running for their lives are focused on that.

You see, “since the 2020 election, state and local officials have faced a surge of violent threats, harassment, and intimidation.” This hostility is primarily from Trump supporters, who accused election officials “of rigging that race and subsequently hounded many out of office.” 

Because so many officials have quit in fear for their lives, more than 20% of election administrators “will be doing the job for the first time in 2024.”

Yes, this is yet another way in which Trump has manhandled the nation, perhaps permanently. Before 2020, “threats against election workers were virtually nonexistent,” but now they are frequent. And the abuse has often been “more severewhen directed at officials who were women, people of color, religious minorities, or LGBTQ.”

Now, you may be saying, “This is all the fault of the woke mob,” or Antifa or whatever imaginary group of progressives that the GOP conjures up as the latest boogeyman.

Well, keep in mind that “support for political violence runs mostly along party lines.” About one-third of Republicanssupport violence as a means to get their way, compared to 13% of Democrats. More specifically, Republicans who like Trump are nearly three times as likely as other Republicans to support political violence.

So yeah, we can safely say it’s that guy’s fault.

In this golden age of political bedlam, America is “grappling with the biggest and most sustained increase in political violence since the 1970s.”

And as bad as the 1970s were, American political violence back then was “perpetrated more often by radicals on the left and focused largely on destroying property.” But the contemporary version of the Symbionese Liberation Army isn’t interested in blowing up an empty bank. Today’s political violence “is aimed at people — and most of the deadly outbursts … have come from the right.”

Basically, you are far more likely to be shot by a neofascist than by an animal-rights activist.

How grim is the potential for carnage during this year’s election season? Well, many election offices have installed “bulletproof glass and security doors amid threats of violence.”

For all of you who thought voting was a dull obligation, that is certainly one way to spice things up.

Welcome to the new version of American democracy.

We grasp at the tattered, frayed fabric of our identity, especially as we get older.

For Gen Xers like me, barreling into middle age and toward antiquity, we take comfort in the fact that nobody was ever more badass, more cynically cool, more “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” than us.

Yeah, I told you about my ex-friend who went from out-and-proud progressive to right-wing promoter of racist conspiracy theories. But she must be an aberration, right?

Well, recent surveys have shown that maybe she isn’t.

You see, Biden’s disapproval rating is highest among Gen X, compared to the other generations. Biden also has the highest “strongly disapprove” rating from Gen X.

Many experts believe that the “one-time flannel-wearing, Pearl Jam-listening and Slacker–Singles-watching generation has become much more Republican and conservative than it was in the Obama years.” 

Now, there is much dispute over the definition and measurement of political preferences, generational differences, and survey results.

In fact, some experts insist that “Gen Xers have swung a little more toward the Democratic Party over time.” 

Others say that Boomers are the only generation that is solidly Republican.

In either case, don’t tell me that people just get more conservative as they age. While there is a sliver of truth to that statement, research shows that “political attitudes are remarkably stable over the long term.” The theory that Gen X is voting GOP just because we’re getting older is shaky at best.

So what in the name of 80s glam rock is going on with these survey results?

Well, if there is a Gen X problem for progressives, “it is very likely a white Gen X problem.” Let’s face it. Gen X is less diverse than younger generations. In fact, over 60% of us are white. 

That means I am an ethnic minority within a generational minority. Yes, sometimes I feel like an exotic bird.

In any case, Trumpism is “more likely to resonate with white Gen Xers… than nonwhite individuals.”

My generation’s drift toward MAGA town is a “sustained white Gen X backlash to the social norms and ideals that have been part of our cultural backdrop” since we were kids.

Like me, many of my peers grew up with Sesame Street. But unlike me, they never appreciated the parts where people spoke Spanish.

Now that they are middle-aged, they are pissed off about woke and diversity and, apparently, basic decency.

For example, one Gen Xer told NPR that his preference for Trump stems from how we were “raised where we don’t think there’s anything wrong to say, ‘Is that retarded?’ or ‘Is there a Black guy down the street?’ You know what I’m saying?”

Yes, I know exactly what this man is saying. He is implying that racial paranoia is admirable and that the natural evolution of language and cultural norms is an oppressive force.

Also, the fact that young people frown at our use of the word “retard” means that we Gen Xers have no choice but to vote for a fascist.

Makes perfect sense.

This outrage over new societal standards is prevalent among white Gen Xers, especially men. And as we know, white men of any generation are aggressively right wing. Hey, perhaps the reason so many white Gen X men stormed the Capitol is because the Boomers got winded or had lingering issues from their hip-replacement surgeries.

I have more to say on the disconcerting overlap between Gen X and baby Boomers. But that will wait until next week.

Until then, turn up the Rage Against the Machine and Public Enemy. It might be your last chance.

If your favorite phrase is not “Fuck around and find out,” it should be.

This pithy warning marries the vulgar and profound, the practical and the metaphysical. It also covers a dizzying range of human misbehavior.

Drank too much at the party? Invested in a shady start-up? Asked a rude question? Cheated on your spouse?

In all cases, you know what happened next.

In 2016, America elected a president who was euphemistically called a “political neophyte.” More honest observers referred to him as “total nutjob who should not be allowed to even visit the Oval Office as part of a tour group.”

He led the nation into chaos, death, and economic calamity.

We fucked around and found out.

Now, eight years later, millions of Americans want to take another chance on this unrepentant disaster. These voters are either racists, love authoritarianism, or have suffered grievous blows to the head that have caused massive memory loss.

Maybe these people should heed warnings that their preferred candidate is such a threat to democracy that major media outlets are publishing entire issues analyzing all the ways that his election jeopardizes the nation’s continued existence.

On the other side of the political aisle, maybe Democrats should not be so lackadaisical about the votes of young people, African Americans, and Latinos. Maybe party leaders shouldn’t be so chill about polling that shows their candidate is trailing in multiple demographics, and is leading only among middle-aged suburban dentists in blue states. 

For that matter, perhaps the Democratic Party should realize that their last two candidates have been the most hated woman in America and the oldest person to ever run for president, respectively, offering voters the most uninspiring of choices for three straight elections now.

But no, the Democratic Party seems determined to fuck around and find out.

Future generations of Americans, if there are any, will be mystified that so many theoretically rational people saw catastrophe looming on the political horizon and then, rather than fight it, either accepted it with a shrug or enthusiastically embraced the madness.

These young Americans, struggling to rebuild a shattered nation, will ask why we didn’t do more. They will question our intelligence, morality, and sanity. They will beseech us, in tones that alternate between angry and perplexed, why we insisted on fucking around and finding out.

And we will have no answer.

This will be a very special year. Because it will be our last one.

Well, at least it will be our final year as a functioning democracy if a certain bigoted crime boss / cult leader wins the election this November.

Recently, media outlets have caught on to the fact — at long last — that an insane autocrat will be the Republican nominee for president, and he stands a decent chance of becoming the leader of a government that he tried to violently overthrow. 

Of course, he could not do this if millions of Americans didn’t think it was a good idea to support a narcissistic lunatic who almost destroyed the country when he was in charge. But it’s not really about the racists, conspiracy nuts, and authoritarian lovers who make up the GOP base.

As everyone knows, this election will be decided by that tiny sliver of undecided voters who are torn between a competent but uninspiring octogenarian and a slightly younger guy who faces 91 felony charges in four different cases and who once suggested that Americans drink bleach.

Yes, it’s a real fucking coin toss. Should they go with the man who dodders a bit or the raging misogynist whom dozens of former staffers, aides, and cabinet members say is a direct threat to democracy?

What’s an undecided voter to do?

Recently, the Washington Post looked at this strange demographic. In their article, they profiled an indecisive voter from my hometown of Milwaukee. The man truly didn’t know who to vote for, but he added that he thinks Trump is “hilarious.”

I must admit, I didn’t know that “hilarious” was a legitimate criterion for electing the leader of the free world. But even if it were, I fail to see the hilarity in a deranged old man who spews nonstop insults, lies, and hatred, interspersed only by delusional boasts about how great he is. It’s not exactly the foundation of a tight five for a solid standup act. But maybe I’m just not in on the joke.

And speaking of jokes, let’s consider the Electoral College.

Be honest. If you were building a country from scratch, would you even consider such a tortuous, bizarre, illogical, antidemocratic mechanism?

This “18th-century system — which is unlike anything used by the United States’ 21st-century democratic peers” is a preposterous contraption that “empowers a sliver of the U.S. population in a diminishing number of battleground states.”

In a nation of 330 million people, presidential elections now come down to “about 400,000 people in three or four states,” resulting in an infuriating farce where “more and more people feel that they don’t have a say.”

It also means that an easily persuaded guy in a battleground state who has no principles, concern for others, or awareness of real-world consequences — but who finds a particular candidate “hilarious” — has far more say than you do about whether or not an aspiring despot takes over the nation and grounds our society into dust.

Yeah, I’m still waiting for the punch line.

By now, you’ve seen the poll that says Trump is leading Biden by 20 points among young voters.

This is, of course, ludicrous. Trump isn’t leading by 20 points in any demographic other than geriatric religious zealots with a penchant for authoritarianism, bigotry, and conspiracy theories.

Aside: watch for the mainstream media’s think pieces on how that demographic could sway the election.

In any case, young voters are not turning to Republicans, and conservatives know it. Why else do you think the GOP wants to raise the voting age and make it harder for Gen Z to vote?

The truth is that “Republicans are losing across the country, even in historically red areas [because] abortion bans, climate denial, gun idolatry, anti-democratic behavior, and extremism has lost them entire generations of Americans.” 

And that is especially true of the younger generation. But it’s not just college kids that are anti-GOP. It’s entire college towns and whole counties.

A recent study revealed that the “growing population in America’s highly educated enclaves has led to huge gains for the Democratic Party.”

For example, my alma mater — the University of Wisconsin-Madison — is located in Dane County, which has such a high percentage of liberal voters that it “has become a Republican-killing Death Star.”

That fact alone is enough to make me shout, “On Wisconsin!”

And my old school is not an outlier, unlike those idiotic polls that Sunday morning commentators are drooling over. You see, research shows that “in state after state, fast-growing, traditionally liberal college counties like Dane are flexing their muscles, generating higher turnout and ever greater Democratic margins.”

One supposes that Republicans might try to reverse this trend by appealing to students and young people. In true GOP fashion, however, they are instead “targeting students’ voting rights, creating additional barriers to voter access, or redrawing maps to dilute or limit the power of college communities.”

Basically, if you can’t beat ‘em, block ‘em.

Republicans are confused about why their demonization of ethnic minorities would bother the most racially diverse generation in American history. They are perplexed over why young people are annoyed that Baby Boomers have hoarded the wealth and now lecture them regularly and vociferously about how ignorant, spoiled, and lazy they are. The GOP is irked that those darned kids aren’t willing to get gunned down in their classrooms in the name of the Second Amendment. Conservatives are flummoxed over why theocracy isn’t popular with people who are the least religious group in the country. MAGA types are befuddled over why Gen Z might be angry about inheriting an unlivable planet and a wrecked democracy.

Yeah, it’s a real puzzler.