An Iraqi Sunni, a Bosnian Serb, and a Moro Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve all been politically downgraded.” So they shoot up the place, killing everyone.
Ha, that’s a good one.
OK, it’s not. But it proves a point.
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Yes, our favorite wacky ex-president is shouting, dodging, delaying, and obstructing his way back into our hearts. He’s hoping to once again avoid consequences for his repulsive and potentially lethal behavior.
And there are plenty of Americans who are happy to help him do so. Now, I’m not talking about the usual co-conspirators, enablers, sycophants, rabid followers, and nutjobs. We know that those guys are all in, all the time.
No, I’m talking about the well-meaning Americans who are advocating for Biden to pardon Trump. This misguided plea usually rests on one of four arguments. And they are all bad.
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I’m part of the problem.
OK, not me personally. But Latino men such as me—well, there are some issues.
You see, “evidence is mounting that the national political environment right now actually leans toward Democrats.” To be clear, the GOP is still favored to win the House in the midterms, but that fabled red wave might end up as more of magenta splash.
I’m sure Republicans are wondering why their insurmountable lead has dissipated. Hey, maybe praising a sociopath who steals nuclear secrets, insulting everyone with college debt, and forcing raped children to carry pregnancies to term are bad campaign ads.
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“He says, ‘Call it a fatwa if you wish,’ and I say, ‘Well, fuck you and fuck your fatwa.’”
Mark Leyner—The Tetherballs of Bougainville
You know when two unrelated events happen simultaneously, and then it later turns out that those desperate things are actually highly related? OK, that usually happens in twisty-turny Hollywood thrillers, but sometimes it transpires in real life.
For example, the FBI recently executed a search warrant at the residence of a disgraced ex-president who had been hording classified documents—and maybe nuclear secrets—for some unknown reason that must be perfectly legit and not all criminal, corrupt, or terrifying. Soon after this, a lunatic stabbed acclaimed writer Salman Rushdie in the neck.
So what do these two events have to do with one another?
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There’s a lot that progressives don’t understand about conservatives.
Why the screaming rage? Why the celebration of ignorance? Why the disdain for all non-fetal life? Why the virulent racism, misogyny, and homophobia? Why the hypocrisy, corruption, and… ok, this list is getting way too long.
In contrast, conservatives seem to have just one aspect of liberalism that perplexes them.
Why don’t progressives wave huge Biden flags and paint their trucks with images of the president’s face?
After all, if you don’t fly a massive MAGA banner and drive a pick-up adorned with images of Trump and Jesus playing golf, are you really a Republican?
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If you’re Gen X, like me, you remember the 1980s phenomenon of action movies that were all based on the exact same plot. The premise was this:
American prisoners of war are still trapped in Vietnam, and a ruthless bad-ass is going to get them out.
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Scotland!
Yes, that’s right—Scotland!
OK, let me back up.
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All of us—me in particular and America in general—have been talking a lot about civil war lately. To describe the frayed state of our nation, we’ve even learned a fancy new word: anocracy. This indicates a floundering country that is teetering between democracy and authoritarianism. Its presence is the first indicator that a civil war may be coming.
And what is the second indicator?
Well, that would be “whether populations in these partial democracies began to organize politically, not around ideology—so not based on whether you’re a liberal or a conservative—but where the parties themselves are based almost exclusively around ethnic, religious or racial identity.”
So the fact that the Republican Party has become the white-grievance party is more than just disturbing. It is a possible harbinger of war.
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Recently, I wrote about the rise of white supremacist terrorism. As horrifying as that concept is, please note that violence is just a means to an end for America’s racists.
Sure, many homicidal bigots enjoy bashing in a black person’s head or shooting a Latino for sheer enjoyment. But most of them are not content to sucker-punch an Asian person and leave it at that. They want more.
And that more consists of civil war.
Yes, I know that the idea of internecine armed conflict was laughable during, say, the Obama administration. Well, those halcyon days (which were only mildly halcyon by the way) might as well have been centuries ago. Because here in the post-Trump world, a full-fledged civil war is a distinct possibility.
Now to be clear, a second American civil war would not look like the 1860s version, which featured dueling governments and uniformed armies and generals with wacky facial hair.
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All of this has happened before.
No, a major American political party has never attempted to overthrow the government in a violent insurrection. That’s a spectacularly unique item for our charming day and age.
But white supremacist terror, culminating in an attack on democracy itself? Yup, we’ve done that.
You see, back in 1898, the city of Wilmington, North Carolina, elected a new municipal government that consisted of both white and black citizens. Thousands of white men—furious that the election didn’t go their way—refused to accept the result and overthrew the local government. They rampaged through the streets and murdered hundreds of black citizens.
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