Hispanic Fanatic

“He says, ‘Call it a fatwa if you wish,’ and I say, ‘Well, fuck you and fuck your fatwa.’”

Mark Leyner—The Tetherballs of Bougainville

You know when two unrelated events happen simultaneously, and then it later turns out that those desperate things are actually highly related? OK, that usually happens in twisty-turny Hollywood thrillers, but sometimes it transpires in real life. 

For example, the FBI recently executed a search warrant at the residence of a disgraced ex-president who had been hording classified documents—and maybe nuclear secrets—for some unknown reason that must be perfectly legit and not all criminal, corrupt, or terrifying. Soon after this, a lunatic stabbed acclaimed writer Salman Rushdie in the neck. 

So what do these two events have to do with one another?

To continue reading this post, please click below

There’s a lot that progressives don’t understand about conservatives.

Why the screaming rage? Why the celebration of ignorance? Why the disdain for all non-fetal life? Why the virulent racism, misogyny, and homophobia? Why the hypocrisy, corruption, and… ok, this list is getting way too long.

In contrast, conservatives seem to have just one aspect of liberalism that perplexes them.

Why don’t progressives wave huge Biden flags and paint their trucks with images of the president’s face?

After all, if you don’t fly a massive MAGA banner and drive a pick-up adorned with images of Trump and Jesus playing golf, are you really a Republican?

To continue reading this post, please click below:

If you’re Gen X, like me, you remember the 1980s phenomenon of action movies that were all based on the exact same plot. The premise was this: 

American prisoners of war are still trapped in Vietnam, and a ruthless bad-ass is going to get them out.

To continue reading this post, please click below:

Scotland!

Yes, that’s right—Scotland!

OK, let me back up. 

To continue reading this post, please click below:

All of us—me in particular and America in general—have been talking a lot about civil war lately. To describe the frayed state of our nation, we’ve even learned a fancy new word: anocracy. This indicates a floundering country that is teetering between democracy and authoritarianism. Its presence is the first indicator that a civil war may be coming.

And what is the second indicator?

Well, that would be “whether populations in these partial democracies began to organize politically, not around ideology—so not based on whether you’re a liberal or a conservative—but where the parties themselves are based almost exclusively around ethnic, religious or racial identity.”

So the fact that the Republican Party has become the white-grievance party is more than just disturbing. It is a possible harbinger of war.

To continue reading this post, please click below:

Recently, I wrote about the rise of white supremacist terrorism. As horrifying as that concept is, please note that violence is just a means to an end for America’s racists.

Sure, many homicidal bigots enjoy bashing in a black person’s head or shooting a Latino for sheer enjoyment. But most of them are not content to sucker-punch an Asian person and leave it at that. They want more. 

And that more consists of civil war.

Yes, I know that the idea of internecine armed conflict was laughable during, say, the Obama administration. Well, those halcyon days (which were only mildly halcyon by the way) might as well have been centuries ago. Because here in the post-Trump world, a full-fledged civil war is a distinct possibility.

Now to be clear, a second American civil war would not look like the 1860s version, which featured dueling governments and uniformed armies and generals with wacky facial hair. 

To continue reading this post, please click below:

All of this has happened before. 

No, a major American political party has never attempted to overthrow the government in a violent insurrection. That’s a spectacularly unique item for our charming day and age.

But white supremacist terror, culminating in an attack on democracy itself? Yup, we’ve done that.

You see, back in 1898, the city of Wilmington, North Carolina, elected a new municipal government that consisted of both white and black citizens. Thousands of white men—furious that the election didn’t go their way—refused to accept the result and overthrew the local government. They rampaged through the streets and murdered hundreds of black citizens.

To continue reading this post, please click below.

Pick your adjective: unsustainable, unworkable, ungovernable, maybe even unsalvageable.

Any one of these words describes the floundering American empire of 2022.

Yes, we all know that studies have shown that “an empire survives, on average, a mere 250 years.” And because America recently celebrated its 246^th birthday, this means you may want to reassess your hopes of chanting, “USA! USA!” into the next decade.

OK, the data on that 250 number is questionable, and some might boldly insist that America is not an empire. But what remains beyond doubt is that we can’t have a functioning government when one political party believes in science, and the other political party believes in Jewish space lasers and cyborg slaves of Satan. 

To continue reading this post, please click here:

According to promoters of American Exceptionalism, the United States has long been an outlier from other nations because of its freedom, economic opportunity, and national character of God-fearin’ tenacity. 

To continue reading this post, please click below:

Like all of you, I’m obsessed with the Lisbon earthquake of 1755.

I’m constantly rushing up to strangers and saying, “Can you believe that motherfucking earthquake that leveled Portugal over 267 years ago?”

“I know!” they say. “Damn!”

Yes, this massive temblor was 32,000 times more powerful than the atomic bomb that devastated Hiroshima. But it did even more than demolish Lisbon and kill 50,000 people. It also ushered in a new world. 

To continue reading this post, please click below: