Hispanic Fanatic

I once lived near a street lined with multimillion-dollar houses. I myself was crammed into a tiny apartment a few blocks away. What can I say — it was a socioeconomically schizophrenic neighborhood.

In any case, I was in a store near one of these mansions when I overheard the shop’s owner trying to calm down a woman on the phone. After hanging up, the store owner mentioned that the caller lived in one of the upscale houses. The caller was upset that so many people were parking near her mansion.

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Here’s a quick thanks to Emma, Ankhesen, and Chris for their recent comments on my posts.

I was hoping to unleash a fiery broadside today, about twenty-four hours after SB 1070 took effect in Arizona. However, some federal judge has stolen my thunder by putting the anti-immigrant law on hold.

Yes, Judge Susan Bolton has granted a preliminary injunction that blocked the most odious parts of the law. That means the really good stuff — like stopping Latinos on the street and demanding to see their papers — simply isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Still, protests against the law went on as planned. And a whole mess of people got arrested in nonviolent demonstrations.

As expected, the law’s supporters are appealing, and the whole thing will probably end up in the Supreme Court. Conservatives predict that once it hits there, their heroes (Scalia, Thomas, etc) will come to their rescue and proclaim the law to be the most extra-special really neato constitutionally wonderful thing, like, ever.

We’ll see about that. In any case, it may be years before SB 1070 is either enacted or put out of its misery.

And by then, the country may be mostly Hispanic anyway. Now wouldn’t that be funny?

I’ve never been comfortable proclaiming that America is the greatest country in the world. It’s not that I don’t love the USA, or that I’m dismissive of the life and opportunities that I have here. It’s that I haven’t lived anywhere else, and so, it seems like a stretch to make this assertion.

It doesn’t stop other Americans, however, and I sometimes envy their certainty. But the logical problem is that any boast that we’re “the greatest” rests on comparisons to other nations.

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In a recent post, I referred to “that infamous tool of totalitarianism – the public-opinion poll.” My point was that many Americans seem to think that civil rights are subject to some kind of popularity contest.

I could have added that polls are notorious for presenting a myopic snapshot of an ever-fickle populace. As such, yesterday’s strong opinion becomes today’s “just kidding.” And of course, Americans are well known for adopting contradictory opinions.

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Apparently, Little Brother is watching you.

I know we were supposed to be afraid of the surveillance powers of an out-of-control government. However, it seems that our fellow citizens have taken it upon themselves to create paranoia and fear among the populace.

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For the most part, I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to my neighbors. I’ve gotten along with the vast majority of them, and I’ve never had cross-yard feuds or open hostility toward the people who live near me.

Yes, there have been a few annoyances. In college, one of the other tenants in the ramshackle student housing where I lived was infamous for getting loaded, arguing with his girlfriend, and getting kicked out of the apartment. From there he would scream her name for hours until she let him back in. Her name was Jody (or more accurately, “Joooo-Deee!”), and I will never forget it because I heard him screech it so often.

When I lived in New York City, our downstairs neighbor was a cranky old woman who banged on the ceiling (our floor) if she thought we were getting too rambunctious. And when I lived on Hollywood Boulevard, I arrived home from work one day to see my neighbor being hauled out in a bodybag. He was a junkie and had OD’d… actually, I guess that’s less “annoyance” and more “freaky trauma.”

But you get the point. I’ve never agonized over who lives next door to me.

Many Americans, however, most certainly do.

A recent study found that, as of 2006, about a fifth of Americans would be upset if immigrants or foreign workers moved in next to them. This percentage has almost doubled since 1990.

Although the phrase “immigrants or foreign workers” is vague, one can safely assume that most Americans conjure images of Latinos when presented with this wording. It’s doubtful that many Americans would become enraged if, say, a British expat moved into the neighborhood. As such, the researchers’ terminology may not translate directly into antipathy for Hispanics, but it’s close.

For the sake of comparison, the researchers asked about two other despised groups in America – homosexuals and Muslims – to gauge social intolerance. I assume that asking about black people moving in next door was considered trite.

The report found that hostility toward Muslims has also increased and that they are even less popular than immigrants. A possible reason for this is the September 11 attacks, which provoked many Americans to think of Muslims as, you know, a bunch of crazed terrorists.

Interestingly, homosexuals were the group with which people had the biggest problem. More than a quarter of Americans said they would have issues if people “of that lifestyle” moved in next door. However, this was also the only group in for which tolerance has increased. Perhaps all those “Will & Grace” reruns are having an effect.

In any case, more Americans these days have trouble co-existing with immigrant neighbors, and as the report points out, we’re not even talking about “illegal immigrants.” That just covers people who happened to have committed the grievous sin of being born someplace other than the United States.

The reasons for this are numerous, but certainly are not complex. For many Americans, all immigrants are Latinos, all Latinos are illegals, and all illegals are murderous thieves hell-bent on destroying the nation. It’s basic math.

Add in an economic recession and right-wing paranoia broadcast 24/7, and it’s little wonder that so many people will consider slapping a “For Sale” sign on their lawn if the new neighbor speaks with a funny accent.

I have to wonder, of course, about the welcoming committee for a gay Muslim immigrant. Actually, let’s not dwell on that one too much… way too disturbing.

Recently, I wrote about the inaccuracies and myths surrounding the supposed crime wave that illegal immigrants have created in America.

I’m sure many readers said, “OK, Hispanic Fanatic, you displayed sound reasoning… even though you have a creepy way of referring to yourself in the third person, with an alias no less, and you remain obsessed with hourglass-shaped blonde women. But logically, you were correct.”

The Fanatic appreciates your vote of confidence.

As such, I will now address that other boogeyman of the illegal-immigration debate: the economic burden to our country.

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By now, you’ve seen what happened to our old friend Dora the Explorer. No, it’s not pretty.

According to my pals at the Huffington Post, the doctored images of Dora “reveal some Americans’ attitudes about race, immigrants, and where some of immigration reform debate may be headed.”

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On this Independence Day, let’s acknowledge a truly patriotic viewpoint. Yes, regardless of our political orientation or cultural viewpoint, we can all agree on one thing: most Americans are stupid.

People on the left think that of people on the right, people on the right think it of people on the left, and we all have disdain for the wimps in the middle. Because most people don’t agree with us on a given subject, they are stupid.

Of course, if we really think about it, it could not possibly be true that a majority of our fellow citizens are mouth-breathing neo-Neanderthals. But even the most kind-hearted among us has, at one point or another, bemoaned the inability of the thick-headed masses to comprehend our opinion.

The exception to this rule is when we find, to our surprise and joy and even alarm, that the majority concurs with us. Then we’re quick to say, “Hey, most people agree with me, so back off.”

The fact that we so easily fluctuate between praising and rejecting other people’s opinions should tell us something. But all it really does is entrench our positions. I’m as guilty of this as anyone.

The reason I bring all this up is because that infamous tool of totalitarianism – the public-opinion poll – shows that more Americans support Arizona’s new anti-immigration law than oppose it. In Arizona itself, the law is popular with an overwhelming 70 percent of the population.

Well, that should do it then. The law stands. The debate is over. We live in a country of majority rule, after all.

There’s just one problem: We don’t vote on rights.

Either Arizona’s law is unconstitutional or it’s not (frontrunners for its eventual overturning are the Fourth and Sixth Amendments). In either case, it’s not left to a popularity contest.

The truth is that America is more about minority rights than majority rule. I know I tread on dangerous ground when I invoke “the Founders,” but I will do so now. The framers of the Constitution were pretty damned touchy about the tyranny of the majority. That’s why they came up with that pesky Bill of Rights.

As such, we can’t just deny rights to groups we dislike, be they Latinos, gays, or Nickleback fans (actually, that last one may pass Constitutional muster). This concept seems difficult for Americans to understand. So let’s go with a historical example.

No doubt, in 1950, most Americans would have voted against letting black people enjoy the privileges that the majority culture enjoyed. Change came about not only because people got educated and the younger generation took control, but because of things like Brown vs. Board of Education. The Supreme Court, in what can only be called an activist decision, said that basic rights are not dependent upon the generosity of the majority.

Again, we don’t vote on rights.

But setting aside that basic concept, let’s look at the reliability and immutability of public opinion itself. Remember that on the eve of the Iraq War, polls showed that upwards of 80 percent of Americans supported George W. Bush’s policy of “regime change.” Somehow, I doubt that decision garners this kind of enthusiasm today.

That was way back in 2003. What will Americans of, say, 2017 think of our opinion?

I can’t keep track of the threats to our country sometimes.

At first, I heard every illegal immigrant was coming here to steal American jobs. However, according to Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, most illegals aren’t crossing the border to pilfer an American’s livelihood. They are actually drug mules.

I was surprised to find this out. And it’s not like the beloved spokeswoman for SB 1070 to exaggerate or skew the facts, so it must be true.

But then a spokesman with the National Border Patrol Council said Brewer’s assertions were “clearly not the case” and that they “don’t comport with reality — that’s the nicest way to put it.”

Indeed, if most illegal immigrants were holding drugs when they were caught crossing the border, the prosecution rate for that offense would be much higher. And while drug barons do use mules, the overlords prefer to transport massive loads of the stuff all at once – as seen in this bust, where twenty tons of narcotics were jammed into a truck. Even the most obese and dedicated drug mule is unlikely to swallow 38,000 pounds of pot.

So we’re back to the right-wing talking point that illegal immigrants are stealing American jobs. Fortunately, talk-show host Stephen Colbert has found a way to undermine these cunning thieves.

Colbert has teamed up with the United Farm Workers of America to get citizens back to work. The new program, Take Our Jobs, encourages unemployed Americans “to apply for some of the thousands of agricultural jobs being posted with state agencies as harvest season begins.”

Every legal resident who fills out an online application is guaranteed a spot in the fields. Finally, we can put to rest the claim that undocumented workers do jobs that citizens don’t want.

After all, there are thousands of spots available, and I’m sure they will go quickly to any American who is willing to “expect long days” courting heat exhaustion while being “excluded from federal overtime provisions.” Well, it’s also true that “small farms don’t even have to pay the minimum wage” and that “fifteen states don’t require farm labor to be covered by workers compensation laws.” But that’s a small price to pay for a gig that “consistently makes the Bureau of Labor Statistics‘ top ten list of the nation’s most dangerous jobs.”

At long last, undocumented workers performing the enviable task of picking lettuce will no longer be taking an American’s job.

Of course, they’ll probably just become drug mules.