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Voyagers

I’m taking another holiday break this week, and I will likely not post anything until the new year.

But before I sign off on 2024 (which if we’re being honest, was a pretty sucky year), let me leave you with this fact.

The Voyager spacecrafts are the only man-made objects that have left our solar system. They are hurtling through the interstellar void, destination unknown. 

It’s possible that billions of years from now, after travelling an unfathomable distance, one of the Voyagers may finally encounter an advanced alien civilization. These beings, impossible to imagine, haul in this relic of humanity, which has long ago gone extinct. They marvel at this last remanent of homo sapiens. 

The Voyager spacecraft will be the only proof that humans were ever here.

Or something unforeseen happens way out there, and Voyager plummets into a distant sun, obliterating any proof that people ever existed.

Happy holidays!


The Ballad of Somebody or Other

America has strange taste in folk heroes. For example, let’s say some random guy shoots a businessman in the back. We might call this first-degree homicide.

Or we might rejoice in this killing because the victim was an oligarch. Hell, we might sell merch that celebrates the assassination. 

Some leftists might call this the first shot in a revolution. Others might find the killer’s smile charming.

And yet others (ok, just about every American) might point out that the victim was emblematic of a diabolical, soul-crushing, life-endangering, shockingly corrupt, highly destructive, and straight-up evil scheme called the health care system.

So I guess that makes it ok to kill him, right?

Of course, it’s a good thing you told me the shooter was a hero. Otherwise, I might think that this nutjob was yet another white guy raised in extreme privilege who encountered some pain in his life and therefore felt entitled to unleash suffering on those he felt were responsible.

I might think how odd it is that a black man who is being a nuisance can get choked to death on the subway, and we say he had it coming. But a good-looking white guy can literally murder someone in the street, and we’re all like, “Hell, yeah!” 

I might think it’s bizarre that we are so inured to gun violence that we shrug at bullets slicing through the air of America’s largest city in broad daylight, with the assumption that “another day, another shooting” has become our national mantra.

Finally, I might think the Trumpian era has so warped everyone’s minds that even liberals are deliriously happy about political violence, and thousands of people revel in murder over social media, and hypocrisy mixed with sociopathic disdain has become a mindset to be admired rather than rejected.

I might think all that, but what do I know?

I’m not even a folk hero.


How To Be Popular

In the wake of the right-wing takeover of America, we have learned from astute members of the media that voters hate wokeness, despise the Democratic Party, and demand that liberals listen — for just one goddamn minute! — to real Americans and their concerns.

All of this is grimly hilarious, in that these media figures are being paid real-life dollars to hammer out think pieces that regurgitate each other’s lazy ideas and baseless assumptions.

If Kamala Harris had persuaded an additional 1% of the electorate to vote for her, she would have won the popular vote, possibly won the electoral college, and earned the respect of these same pundits who would be praising her for bringing Beyonce on stage instead of snarling that progressives live in blue bubbles.

The fact is that “the overwhelming evidence we have from years of pre-election polling, issue priority surveys, international trends, and focus groups is that the Democrats, like incumbents across the democratic world, lost the trust of voters on the economy, mostly due to inflation.”

The idea that Americans were so enraged by DEI that they voted for Trump is based on “a fictional account of the past, a handful of indefensible analytic leaps, and easily debunked scapegoating.”

Of course, there were definitely Americans who voted for Trump based on his hatred for anyone or anything that doesn’t place the white Christian straight male at the center of the universe, and I will write about those types of voters next week.

But the thesis that the Democrats would have won if only they were more like Republicans is highly suspect. And while I am no expert on campaigning or political strategy, I have to wonder if it is the wisest approach for Democrats to sell out their few remaining principles and become more like the GOP in a futile attempt to convince white blue-collar men to not hate them, when in truth, Harris lost swing voters because of the motherfucking price of eggs and not because trans people can pick their own bathrooms in certain states.

One could argue that Democrats should double down “on what produced such significant political gains for the party,” which are college-educated voters and young people who haven’t completely given up on the future. In fact, given that the last four presidential elections “have gone Democrat, Republican, Democrat, Republican — which hasn’t happened in America since the late 19th century — maybe they should just wait for an inevitable anti-Trump backlash.”

Yeah, maybe it’s best to chill on throwing the progressive base under the bus, which wouldn’t be the electoral bonanza that the Democratic establishment imagines.

One final thought: Studies have shown that our sense of morality shifts with the seasons. People are more likely to align with conservative ideals during the spring and fall, which is when anxiety levels peak. During these times, people “tend to be more distrustful, more xenophobic and more likely to conform,” all of which are traits of the Trumpian mindset.

So that explains it. We just need to move our elections to July.


A Breather

I didn’t always take breaks for the holidays. In past years, you would find me posting furious missives whether it was the week of Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, or the anniversary of the first pickleball court opening up. All are national holidays.

However, fatigue has set in as I contemplate each fresh outrage and witness the slow destruction of the country’s foundations, ethics, and standing in the world. I’m not giving up, but damn it, I just want a little time to eat pumpkin pie and drink a big old glass of wine in peace.

There will be plenty of time to assess the latest travesty, which will inevitably both follow and precede more cataclysms.

What will happen next? Will Trump give Alaska to Putin? Will the GOP ban all books written above a third-grade level? Will Ted Nugent be named Secretary of Agriculture? Each of these is a distinct possibility.

So I’m taking the rest of this week off. I will see you next week, when the country is hopefully still intact.

Thanks


The Price of Eggs

Economic anxiety sure justifies a fuck of a lot, doesn’t it?

According to exit polls, the chief reason we have a convicted felon for president is because so many Americans were tense about their grocery bills, rent payments, and cost of gas.

The economy is booming, but many of our fellow citizens think the Trump era was better. This is incorrect, and it’s also a bizarre form of nostalgia mixed with repression (i.e., “that pandemic never happened!”).

However, it is undeniable that many Americans are struggling. Of course, the main cause of that is a wealth gap so massive that it boggles the mind. It’s ironic that people are finally catching on to the fact that the uber-rich are the only ones who have benefitted from the wealth redistribution that started under Reagan, but their solution is to vote for the guys who want to exacerbate that inequality even further.

Yes, the day after Trump won the election, “the wealth of the world’s 10 richest people soared by a record amount.” In less than 24 hours. these oligarchs became “a record $64 billion richer from Trump’s reelection.”

I’m sure that is a source of great comfort to those voters who complained that they can’t cover their underwater mortgage. Speaking of which, what will happen to those people who sold out their principles for the promise of cheaper gas? How will they react when prices do not go down, but skyrocket (which will happen if Republicans implement their hairbrained economic policies)?

You see, the Trump has “no policy plan for cheaper gas or cheaper eggs.” His goal “is to let an unelected Elon Musk run roughshod over the government, along with every other crazy radical Project 2025 right-wing fever dream, all while Trump pursues his own personal grievances.”

Of course, the economy will likely hum along for another year, maybe two, during which Trump will take credit for the second straight good economy that he has inherited from a Democratic president. Then all bets are off.

And all those voters who bemoaned the high cost of eggs will be forced to answer the question of whether they even like eggs all that much, or if they just wanted a white guy who would promise them the world, rather than a black woman who had an annoying cackle.

Indeed, progressives have “received a slew of messages gloating that Trump had won the election and that Republican voters had owned the libs,” but for those of us attuned to history, we cannot help but think of earlier eras “when ordinary white men sold generations of economic aspirations for white supremacy and bragging rights.” 

It’s disturbing, so unsightly, to discover how easily Americans are bought off.

And soon, they will discover that they have made a truly horrendous deal. There will be no lower prices or inexpensive goods or affordable housing.

There will be “a tax cut for the richest 5 percent of Americans and a tax increase for all other income groups.” And there will be the sound of billionaires lighting hundred-dollar bills and laughing, laughing, laughing.


Fear and More Fear

I believe it was the philosopher Loki of Asgard who said, “It’s the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation…. You were made to be ruled.”

Well said, Loki, well said.

There is a reason that we create stories about heroes. Our natural tendency is to cave in to fear, run away from trouble, and let someone else take charge. Heroes are rare, and as such, they are inherently more interesting than the vast majority of people who let their anxiety rule their actions. Heroes are inspirations to us, the cowering majority.

Fear is powerful and innate. It is difficult to overcome, and even more difficult to reason with. 

Our recent debacle of an election proved, as if there was any real doubt, that if you scare people enough, they will turn to you for help. They will let you rule.

Trump said Haitians were eating cats and dogs, and this resonated far more than Harris’ proposals to help people buy a house. This is fear in action (it’s also hatred, ignorance, stupidity, racism, and other assorted vile behaviors, but that’s a topic for another post).

People who are honest about Trump’s victory know that “anger and fear were going to work in this election, whether you’re afraid of immigrants or afraid of people who are trans.” Yes, maybe progressives believed that “everyone’s better angels would prevail,” but “the better angels went on vacation when Donald Trump came down the escalator, and they haven’t returned.”

It’s a fearful country, a terrified nation.

Trump’s “promises of fixing what he called a broken country — even if it means abandoning long-held principles — was the whole point.” Conservatives believe it is better to let an addled lunatic do whatever he wants if it makes their fear subside, even temporarily. And Trump has gotten millions of Americans and his entire political party to fall into line, evidenced by the fact that “moderate Republicans used to occasionally criticize Trump’s most outlandish behavior, [but] fealty to Trump is now almost uniform among the GOP.”

These are some seriously petrified motherfuckers.

Well, the nation’s voters are going to get what they asked for. Of course, they probably won’t like what comes next. Indeed, vast swaths “of the Trump majority will soon have cause for second thoughts,” because if GOP’s plans are implemented, the “resulting pain is likely to be felt throughout American society.”

But Americans voted for fear. And that’s exactly what we’re going to get.


The Shortest Post Ever

Dear America,

You really fucked up. I mean, really, really fucked up.


Closing Arguments

Throughout this long, miserable campaign season, every day the news was like “Trump vows to deport gay, left-handed Asian dentists.”

And the next day the news was like “Polls show surge in Trump support among gay, left-handed Asian dentists.”

I can’t explain it. Fuck it, give me another drink.

If a racist rally — a Coachella for bigots — isn’t enough to convince you that both parties are not the same, you are beyond reason. Maybe one day, you will snap out of your right-wing delusion and realize, “Hey, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to vote for guy who assaults women and tried to overthrow the government.”

We are going to elect a politically moderate, well-qualified woman who will continue economic policies that work pretty well.

Or we will elect a felonious, sociopathic lunatic who will likely drive the economy into the ground, open to the door to autocracy and oligarchy, and make life hell for everyone who is a not a white straight Christian male (until eventually turning on them too, because nobody comes out unscathed when under the thumb of an venal, incompetent dictator).

It really is one or the other.

Good luck, America.


The Exact Opposite (Part 2)

In my last post, I discussed how the GOP’s war on reality has convinced Americans that we are living in a dystopian hellhole where the solutions are idiotic proposals that will only backfire and cause calamity.

For example, after decades of obnoxious perseverance, pro-lifers succeeded in overturning Roe vs. Wade. As a result, “following the Supreme Court Dobbs decision that revoked the federal right to an abortion, hundreds more infants died than expected in the United States.” So congratulations, pro-lifers, on killing more babies. Oh, and those draconian abortion bans “also affect access to broader health care, which can lead to increased risk for both babies and mothers.”

Thanks again, religious zealots.

The GOP has convinced the populace that up is down, evident in the continued insistence that the Trump years were better for the economy, even though almost every indicator shows that this is not true. Despite our strong economy, a huge chunk of Americans “wrongly believe the US is in an economic recession.”

Republicans also want you to know that ice is hot, and fire is cold.

As a final example, let’s consider the idea that so many Americans think Trump is a tough guy who will stand up for our nation in times of crisis. They “support him precisely because they believe he can protect the country in a way no other politician will.” In truth, his style of incoherent, impulsive governance would create “a politically chaotic” America, where “other countries assert more global influence.” Indeed, our “biggest global rivals believe that a Trump victory will serve their interests instead.”

Clearly, millions of Americans are basing their decisions not on facts or even emotions. Rather, they are clamoring for what they sincerely believe is real, despite acres of easily accessibly evidence that shows them they are wrong.

They are listening to Republicans, whose stated goal is to “make America great again, because it’s not great now, what with Black people protesting the police, Pride flags flying, and immigrants seeking new lives in America.” Conservatives don’t want “to hear Spanish at the supermarket or be aware that someone is dressed in drag,” and they are filled with anger at all those “New York and Los Angeles elites who, in the estimation of many Republicans, are actively discriminating against White people and Christians.”

At this point, “it’s getting harder to describe the extent to which a meaningful percentage of Americans have dissociated from reality.”

It is also becoming more difficult to deny that the GOP candidate for president has, right before our eyes, gone “from being periodically adrift and sporadically demented to being 24/7 unfit and in need of permanent medical attention.” The guy is “one cloudless night away from baying at the moon.” 

And yet, whole swaths of Americans will vote for him, vote for this Wonderland logic, and insist that the truth is on their side.


The Exact Opposite (Part 1)

In a sane world, a babbling old man who threatened to deploy the US military against American civilians would be shuffled off to nap time at the facility, rather than hailed as a conquering hero to millions of conservatives who have the audacity to call themselves patriots.

But the GOP has succeeded in turning our country into a bizarro world of contradictions and backward logic.

This accomplishment may be Republicans’ only achievement of the century, as every other project they have led over the past 20 years—Iraq, Covid, the economy, etc—has ended in full-fledged disaster.

As an example of the fun-house mirror that America has morphed into, consider that Republicans continue to insist that immigrants are invading the country, raping and pillaging at will, stealing everyone’s job, taking over whole swaths of the country, and eating all our pets.

In reality, immigration is a key reason that our economy is doing better than other industrialized nations. Furthermore,  “the ‘magic bullet’ driving the post-pandemic population revival of major US urban centers is immigration,” and immigrants are filling a labor gapthat, if left unfilled, would lead to financial devastation. In fact, studies show that “the large influx of immigrants” over the past few years have “helped grow the U.S. economy.”

As for those rampaging immigrants killing and looting nonstop, even Republicans admit that they are making those stories up. Immigrants have lower rates of crime than native-born Americans, as we all know.

Any while we’re at it, please note that “crime rose rapidly at the end of Trump’s term but is now dropping.” In particular, the homicide rate recently saw “the largest single-year decline in the last 20 years.”

That hasn’t stopped the GOP nominee from advocating for a real-life version of The Purge, in which one violent day would bring down crime rates that aren’t that high in the first place.

There are more ways in which conservatives have it completely backwards, but I will save those examples for next week’s post.


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