Hispanic Fanatic

It’s enough to make you feel bad for William Jennings Bryan. 

Of course, you may fuzzily recall this guy’s name from your high school history class. Today, Bryan is remembered for three things:

Giving the Cross of Gold speech, whatever that was.

Looking like a buffoon during the Scopes Monkey Trail.

Becoming the only nominee of a major political party to lose the popular vote three times.

But that last shred of infamy is in serious jeopardy, because the homunculus of racism—Donald Trump—recently announced that he is back, baby, and running for president once more.

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The most disturbing statistic I have seen recently is the following: Trump voters are 50% more likely than Biden voters to be sperm donors.

This creeps me out on a political, cultural, and even biological level.

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Every American under the age of 30 has conscious memory of just two Republican presidents.

One was a blithering idiot who led the nation into disaster.

The other was a sociopathic lunatic who led the nation into disaster.

Note to Republicans: When the best of your best are stupid and/or crazy, maybe the problem is you.

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This year’s World Series did not feature my hometown Milwaukee Brewers, who failed to reach the Fall Classic for the 40th consecutive season. Just thought I would point that out.

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Well, it’s all over. 

OK, I was referring to the midterm elections, but depending on the final results, that sentence could apply to democracy, the American experiment, or hope for the future.

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This week, millions of Americans will vote for authoritarianism, the subjugation of women and ethnic minorities, climate disaster, and possible open warfare because in their mind, doing this will magically lower gas prices by 50 cents.

But if Republicans do take control of Congress, you shouldn’t worry that they will slash Social Security. How do I know this? Well, I heard it from the same people who said the Supreme Court wouldn’t overturn Roe vs. Wade. And that turned out fine, right?

Ahem.

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Recently, I wrote about the GOP’s odds of taking over Congress and enacting its agenda of turning America into a hellish zone of desolation and despair.

OK, I’m just kidding. The GOP has no coherent agenda.  

But the desolation and despair? Yeah, that part is true.

In any case, the best chance that the Democrats have for retaining control of Congress is to convince Americans that their party is strong and capable of effective governance.

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In less than a month, Republicans will likely take over the House of Representatives. It’s possible that they will snag the Senate as well.

And then Joe Biden’s agenda—which like the man himself, has been mildly successful—will probably ground to a halt. This means that in all likelihood, we have already implemented the most progressive ideas that are going to be fulfilled, for the next couple of years at least.

That’s disconcerting, because it’s not exactly a left-wing paradise around here, is it?

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Yes, I am Latino, as I may have mentioned once or twice. But as I’ve also stated before, I am part Italian.

Now, I’ve never been to Italy, but it’s high on my list of life goals to gaze out over that nation’s windswept coasts, drink wine in a Roman palazzo, and get assaulted by a vicious crowd of fascist thugs.

OK, that last one is less of a goal and more of an acknowledgement of what might happen if I saunter down the streets of Florence, looking all foreign and shit.

After all, Italy is under new management. And its government is going old school—as in Mussolini old school. 

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I was a kid the first time I heard of Martha’s Vineyard. Someone told me that the movie Jaws had been filmed there. Of course, I wondered who this Martha was and how she owned an entire ocean that she could just rent out for filming.

I’ve since learned that Martha’s Vineyard is a destination for rich liberals, and as such, it is a prime target for those conservatives who hate nothing more than a wealthy person who has committed class treason by rejecting ethno-fascism.

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