Hispanic Fanatic

OK, imagine you’re a Democratic legislator, and you’re rushing to the chamber to cast your vote on a crucial bill. An old lady collapses in front of you, clutching her heart. If you stop to help her, you will likely cost your party a vote and send the bill to defeat. Do you stop?

Now imagine that you are a Republican legislator in the exact same situation. Do you stop?

This scenario comes courtesy of Rick Perlstein, a historian who theorizes that most Democrats would help the old lady, while most Republicans would step over her writhing body.

Perlstein argues that this is not because Republicans are indifferent to human suffering. It is because they are focused on winning and advancing their agenda at all costs. Democrats, in contrast, are focused on fairness and bleeding-heart concepts such as, for example, helping out old women who have heart attacks.

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Perhaps you’ve heard of Benjamin Rush.

Most likely, however, you have not.

Well, Benjamin Rush was one of the more obscure Founding Fathers, but he was kind of a big deal back in the day. 

Rush signed the Declaration of Independence, served as surgeon general of the Continental Army, and was an all-around Enlightenment intellectual. He opposed slavery, advocated for free public education, supported women’s rights, and lobbied for a more equitable justice system — all edgy ideas for the 1700s. He is also regarded as the father of American psychiatry, and he left a legacy of philanthropy and scientific excellence.

Wow, he sounds great, doesn’t he?

Oh, he also believed that being Black was a horrible disease, and that with proper “treatment,” African Americans could be “cured” and become White.

So there’s that as well.

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If I ran straight at you, screaming insults and talking gibberish, would you turn and hurry away? Or would you stop, nod, and say, “You’ve got my vote”?

Well, for members of the Republican Party, the answer would be the latter, followed by an earnest plea to please yell louder.

You see, there is no debating that the GOP has been “baptized in crazy,” and that “from QAnon lunatics to fanatical evangelicals, the Grand Old Party is out of its mind.”

We’re talking about people who sincerely believe that Trump is the “true president,” that the economy is collapsing (it’s not), and that “the traditional American way of life is disappearing so fast” that conservatives may have to “use force to save it.”

Yeah, that’s all pretty nuts. But the only thing worse than a crazy man is an angry crazy man. And that combo of madness and rage is what makes the conservative movement so dangerous.

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As this horrific pandemic eases into a merely bad epidemic, we are ditching our face masks, embracing strangers, and running into crowded rooms to yell, “Free! We are finally free!”

OK, maybe that’s not quite what’s happening, but after 14 months of fear and isolation, it sure feels like it. However, as we rediscover the outside world, it’s worth asking the following metaphysical question: 

What does it mean to be free?

Now, we could go full-blown Sartre and ruminate and pontificate about freedom, but for most of us, this concept has a fairly simple definition. It basically means that we can do whatever we want, as long as it doesn’t mess with somebody else’s rights. That’s straightforward enough, right?

Oh, I forgot to add one thing. Freedom only applies if you are a white man.

Wait… you didn’t know that part?

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Recently, the economist Mark Blyth made a disturbing point about the American financial system. I’m paraphrasing here, and to really do it justice you have to imagine the following in Blyth’s thick Scottish burr. But here goes:

Imagine that you’re at a wedding reception. You see a guest get really drunk and grab the bride’s ass. Then he punches the groom in the face. Then he takes a shit in the middle of the dance floor. You find out that this drunk guy is the wedding planner. Would you then turn to your fiancée and insist, “We need to hire that guy for our wedding”?

Well, as Blyth points out, that’s exactly what we did in 2008.

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How much would you pay to eradicate racism?

Presumably, you would offer somewhere between a dollar and everything you have.

But let’s reverse the question. How much would you pay to preserve racism?

Um… ok… What the hell kind of question is that?

Only hardcore bigots would throw away their cash to keep racism alive, right?

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You know those horror movies where gypsy crones cast unspeakable curses upon innocent white people? Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

But it’s never explained why these powerful sorcerers are inevitably portrayed as enfeebled, misshapen paupers. I mean, if you could conjure dark forces and unstoppable demons to perform your bidding, wouldn’t you devote a little time to, say, whipping up a batch of proper dental care? At the very least, why are you living in a ramshackle hut, when you could demand a palace?

Well, a similar cognitive dissonance occurs in the world of politics.

A large percentage of right-wingers truly believe that a nefarious cadre of liberals are working with the deep state to thwart conservatives (i.e., the real Americans).

However, it’s never explained why, if liberals are so powerful, they can’t pass basic gun control or universal health care, like every other industrialized nation. And why is Biden’s agenda in jeopardy, despite the fact that most of his policies are popular and Democrats control Congress?

And why is a moron who lost an election months ago, and has brought his party nothing but ruination, still in a position of absolute power within the conservative realm? 

Hey, maybe he’s the crone.

Did you ever think about that?

Like just about every Latino of my generation, I was raised Catholic.

And just like many Americans under the age of 60, I am no longer religious.

Yes, you have no doubt heard that for the first time, less than half of American adults are members of a church, mosque or synagogue, and that the “number of people who identify as non-religious has grown steadily in recent decades.”

But wait, it gets worse (if you’re the god-fearin’ type), because it’s not just those vague “non-religious” people whose numbers are increasing. We’re also seeing more straight-up atheists, who were thought to constitute about 3% of the population but whose actual percentage “could be much larger, perhaps even 10 times larger than previously estimated.”

Yikes! That’s a lot of godless heathens running around.

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You use just 10% of your brain.

Chameleons change color to match their surroundings.

The Great Wall of China is the only human-made object visible from space.

These are all well-established, commonly known “facts” that are, alas, completely wrong. To this list of misconceptions, untruths, and erroneous assertions, we must add another whooper.

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In 1937, a young Cuban woman became America’s first “illegal immigrant.”

No, she wasn’t the first person to enter the country without permission (that would be Christopher Columbus). But when the New York Times wrote about Sara J. Rodriguez’s attempted suicide, she became the first person to be described as an “illegal immigrant” in an American news story.

Naturally, the bastards would start all this off by slandering a Latina.

In any case, the subsequent decades have seen terms such as “illegal immigrant,” “the undocumented,” or even “the brown invasion” used to describe people who cross or crowd America’s southern border.

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